Epiphany

Just as I was about put my audacious plan to steal the crown jewels into action and, on the way, stab a few old ladies whilst doing an evil laugh, I saw this sign. It spoke to me in a way no person has ever been able to. So THANK YOU anonymous sign writer; I, the Queen, and several old ladies will forever be in your debt.

Now, if only someone were to quickly put up a sign about the wickedness of split infinitives then this sentence might read better.

Balloon Sofa

I have found myself becoming quite jaded over the last few years when it comes to ice breakers, team building exercises and warmers. Of course, people who are new to a group need to get to know their colleagues but some of the painful games and activities I have been press ganged into facilitating still make me wince when I think about them years down the line. The cheesiest one is the ‘ball of truth’ that people have to throw around a room or the ‘untangle the knot’ game where wool is passed through people’s legs. My view has always been that if it makes even one person in the group feel uneasy on their first day then the wrong activity has been chosen. When I am the master of my own ice breaking destiny, I always go for something simple with room for people to say a lot or a little and with a guarantee that all will speak.

So… it was with some trepidation that I ventured to a colleague’s room to help police his ‘make a sofa out of balloons’ team building activity. I could feel myself tensing up at the thought of burly blokes (there are several, all outspoken, in this group) giving it ‘What the bloody ‘ell do you want us to do that for?’

But…man, it was excellent. Not only did they laugh but they learnt a lot about the importance of following instructions to the letter, mechanisms for collaboration and economies of scale and, in fact, optimum design for a balloon sofa that will support the weight of a human for 30 seconds. I admit that I didn’t think it’d work but for two of the three groups it did. The one group where it didn’t work were at a slight disadvantage as they didn’t have a ‘lighter’ member of the group to be the person to sit on the chair.

I also learned that from time to time I need to stop being so damned cynical and give things a chance. Apart from that I had a shit day cos I still have a headache that started yesterday and it’s my girl’s birthday and we’re on different sides of the country.

Teacher Training

There I was planning a class on managing behaviour and I find that it's already been done for me. 50 years ago! Now that I have watched this I realise that there are several things I must do myself and recommend to all my trainee teachers:

-get suited up. That teacher looks the business.
-make students wear tanktops with diamond shapes on them and other nerdy clothes. Even if they flick stuff at each other we can mock their sartorial inelegance.
-give mutiple detentions: 'seven detentions!'
-recognise that when someone blows their nose it's a sympton of the whole group's disaffection.
-sit students in rows.
-use mother's cooking to illustrate things that need explaining.

This teacher training lark is a cinch. I demand a pay cut.

Brown Derby

This is how we both felt yesterday after the match. I can't really bring myself to say anything else. I know why footy managers are mocked for their cliches though, cos I really am 'gutted' and 'sick as a parrot Brian'.

Grasmere

Although pretty, you have to wonder about a place where they still openly sell gollywogs and people form queues to buy gingerbread. I knew when we got there that the locals suspected me and the boy of harbouring independent or (worse) liberal thoughts. We managed to escape but I swear I caught a glimpse of a flaming torch weilding mob in my rear view mirror chanting "burn 'em, they be witches!"

I am no megalomaniac...

...but this picture my boy took of me is cool. Shortly after this was taken I smote some sinners.

Big Business

Only follow the link if you are into Spurs or business. Or both. It makes a compelling case and for me is quite depressing http://www.spurs.vitalfootball.co.uk/article.asp?a=500351