Carling Cup Draw (w/b Oct 29th)

My predictions in brackets:

Luton v Everton (2-3)
Portsmouth v Blackburn (3-1)
Chelsea v Leicester (1-1, Leicester win replay)
Sheffield Utd v Arsenal (0-1, flukey goal goes in off ref's arse in 91st min. Sheff Utd have four perfectly good goals disallowed. Everyone bangs on about how great Arses' kids are. I puke)
SPURS V BLACKPOOL (4-1)
Bolton v Manchester City (0-2)
Coventry v West Ham (2-2, Irons scrape through in replay)
Liverpool v Cardiff (5-0, too easy for 'pool)

Public prayer: If I get one right, please let it be Spurs' result. Failing that, a stonking for the arrogant SOBs from the Emirates at the hands of Sheffield would compensate quite well, thank you.

How not to deal with problems

It strikes me that I and (probably) the rest of the world utilise a number of coping strategies when confronted with difficulties in their lives. People who appear carefree do no doubt have problems but I guess they confront their problems in a way that I have yet to discover. These are the various ways that I have sought to cope with things over the last [ahem] years. Rather than exemplify these with personal things I have tried to draw comparisons with Spurs’ current malaise.

Denial- bury it under the carpet and hope it goes away. All that I’m left with is a carpet with a huge lump in the middle of it that’s so big I can’t even get my Hoover over it, let alone ensure it is clean. Of course if I did illustrate this one with one of my problems then I wouldn’t be able to keep it under the carpet. I’d have a slightly less lumpy rug but it’d be out there: acknowledged and demanding resolution. Thinking about that makes my head spin almost to the point of it being something that I could label a problem. Martin Jol says all the Spurs strikers are competing on an equal footing for their places in the starting line up. He denies that there is a rift between him and Jermaine Defoe. His nice guy status means that we can only take him on his word which means that this is a classic case of denial. Where will it end up? No doubt one or the other of them will no longer be in the employ of Spurs. The most likely scenario is that JD ends up at Everton or Aston Villa and puts three past Robinson in his first game against his old club. This, of course, is an unsatisfactory resolution. 30,000 voices chanting ‘Jermaine Defoe, he’s a yiddo’ seem incapable of encouraging the big man to even accept that he has a carpet, let alone accept that there’s anything underneath it. (I think that taking analogies too far is another problem for me but luckily I don’t errr…brush that one etc. etc.)

Putting it into a global perspective- This is the classic that we learn from our parents and swear we will never impose on our own offspring: “ It could be worse”, “People are starving in Africa”, “Worse things happen at sea”. It may be that perspective is everything but it really does only work from the outside. Any kind of physical or emotional attachment to the problem and an attempt to put it into the wider picture does not, as is anticipated, make you realise the relative insignificance of your problem; all it does is leave you with a bitter self loathing on the lines of “ God, look at me, I’m getting in a stew about this, how pathetic am I?” Spurs, for example, are languishing in 18th position in the Premier league. The ‘glass-is-half-full’ types may well argue that this makes them the 18th best club in the country at this moment in time. They may remind me that for two years running we have been fifth best. They may try to argue that since the Premier league is one of the best in the world that this actually makes Spurs one of the World’s top clubs. They will also implore me to consider the plight of Notts Forest or Leeds (actually that does make me feel a bit better). Ultimately though I’m left feeling like a spoilt brat a) because, yeah, it is only football and a lot of teams have it a lot worse and b) it still really, really matters.

Talking to someone about it but not really- this is my favourite. I get to pretend that I am being mature and sensible by saying ‘yes, x and y are troubling me; these things make me feel a, b and c.” This may be the way in to those intense counselling sessions you read about or see Tony Soprano engage in, but it’s nothing more than a limp parody. Nothing is resolved. By ‘getting it off my chest’ I have merely shifted the discomfort from heart to brain. By sharing it I have not halved it; at worst I have doubled it by making someone else stress about me. Martin Jol does this every week on Match of the Day. He hints to Spurs supporters that he is aware of a defensive frailty or an issue with strikers scoring goals. We wait for him to go deeper, to explore the realistic and perhaps revolutionary remedy but what does he do? He goes with the same line up and shares the problem again the following week.

Blame someone else. I don’t have referees to blame but I do shout at people who don’t deserve it when I do something wrong. I think it goes without saying that this is ultimately self destructive. Having said that, Sunderland’s goal on the first day of the season was clearly over time and we should definitely have had a penalty against the Arses to put us two up etc etc….

Here’s one problem I am willing to come clean about: I have boring work to do. Instead I have typed this. Engaging in displacement activity makes my stomach churn with anxiety. Phew, that feels better, and I guess a lot of people have it worse and, anyway, it’s not my fault this work is so boring…

Martin Jol no longer loves me

Bolton 1 Spurs 1. Just got back from the game. Son and I agree that Jol has gone too far leaving out Defoe. The love affair may be over. I am not happy. Also Jenas is rubbish.

Play oop Shaymen

Took the boy to see Halifax Town yesterday. We did actually go out to see Bradford City but somehow we misread the fixtures and it turned out they were playing away. They lost to Hereford (4-2) so maybe it's just a s well. Anyway, we went to the Shay to see a team that evoked a lot of memories: When I was at school I had a certain affection for Halifax because it was either them or Crewe that sought re-election at the end of each season. When we played football after school, I usually said I was Halifax because I knew I was likely to lose and didn't want that associated with Spurs. We stood on the terraces at the Shay with 1,362 other people and paid 15 quid for the pleasure. This seems (relatively) pricey when compared to White Hart Lane (where I can see a third rate opposition play Spurs' fourth rate team for 29 quid). The main thing, of course, is that I enjoyed it and so did the boy. Rushden and Diamonds sent a loyal away following of about 30 (you can just see them in this picture). The best thing though (apart from their goalie who made some fine saves despite being about 65) was the way all the players clumped in areas of the pitch. This shot shows how they all massed in one quarter of the pitch when the Halifax Town keeper hoofed the ball up the pitch. The game ended 1-1. Town had led from a well struck free kick in the first half but were pulled back from the penalty spot in the last minute. this was a very dodgy decision to say the least and the manager let the ref know in no uncertain terms at the end of the game. This was also amusing.

Hair cut

Within about two weeks of getting a hair cut I am already fed up with the way my hair has grown back. It doesn't grow uniformly and it is fuzzy and lumpy if I don't moderate its waywardness with gel or soap (I used butter once when I couldn't find anything else). I suppose I shouldn't complain being as the signs of receding and thinning are there for all to see; especially my son who points it out whenever he can. On Friday I finished work early and drove home round the edge of Bradford looking for a barber's. I saw the common red/white shop fascia and spiral sign before I could read the words 'Men's hairdresser' on the window. I guessed that the shop was run by people whose first language wasn't English because the shop was called ' Top Men!'. (and it was in the heart of an almost entirely Pakistani area of Bradford.) None of your crummy cut/trim/hair plays on words there, just a slightly unusual choice of phrasing with a hint of campness about it. It reminds me of the fags you can buy in Brazil. Even the really shitty ones are called things that are supposed to resonate of European (especially English) sophistication but all too often they get it slightly wrong so you end up smoking fags called 'Brighton' or ' Buckingham Palace'.

Anyway, I went in and waited a bit till the barber had finished some other guy's hair. Eventually I went and sat in the chair while the barber fiddled around a bit. He looked nervous actually and it wasn't long before I realised it was because he hardly spoke any English and, presumably, wasn't used to non Pakistani clients. He grinned at my reflection in the mirror and asked :'Haircut?' I smiled and replied: 'err no, two pounds of potatoes please.' He looked totally bemused, not least because he knew the word potatoes but didn't really get the rest of the sentence. I decided that stupid jokes were going to get me nowhere and tried to explain what I wanted. He nodded enthusiastically throughout my explanation but it was clear that it was a bit of an effort. In the end he just cut a bit off, put my glasses back on my face, showed me and said 'cut more?' to which I replied 'Yes.' We continued like that til I got (roughly) what I wanted. It's as good as pretty much any cut I have had recently. I asked him how much and he said '£3.50' I couldn't believe it: I gave him a 2 quid tip and was still 5 quid better off than if I'd had it done at my regular place in London.

Afterwards I did worry that maybe the only price he could say in English was £3.50 but dismissed this. I will definitely go there again.

(By the way, I waffled a bit here so that I wouldn't have to see that diabolical picture of Berbatov when I logged on.)

Guess who

Believe it or not that's the one and only - not-trying-very-hard-and-resting-on-his-laurels Dimitar Berbatov. How gay is that photo?

6-1 to Spurs 1-0 to Ball boy

Good win, good goals and Defoe and Bent on the scoresheet. Please Martin, let Defoe have a run out on Sunday. Alongside Zokora's usual comedy shots, the most amusing moment of the match was on you tube before the game ended:Ball boy indeed.