Wednesday, 29 July 2009

head in the clouds

The jury is still out on Crouch but it looks like it'll come back with something a lot less than a unanimous decision even as we plough through another season. At least the Wembley Cup experience means that even the most optimistic Spurs fan will not be blithering on about a top 4 spot this season. The purchase of Peter the Great (big lumbering gangly lummox- just to make it clear where I stand on the debate) just adds to that sense of anti-climax. £10m sounds a lot but, unlike most footballers, Crouch has a special contract which stipulates he must be paid for by the inch. Too often we have been disappointed after big name signings up front: Rebrov, Pav et al. Now we just have the big. Don't get me wrong: I'm as thrilled as the next bloke that we'll be watching football at the highest level this season (pun intended) and entertained up to 8 times with robot dancing and hilarious mimes. People are talking about re-igniting the partnership with Defoe but how much of a partnership was that really? They got something like 15 goals between them at Pompey. Not exactly world beating is it. Is he better than what we have already? Hardly. Does he give us an alternative? Probably. Maybe 'arry is considering playing 3 up front and putting Keano in the hole ( a tiny one with a pot of gold coins in it). That's about as far as it goes for me. I so hope I'm wrong. If I am and he's a new legend and scores 20+ goals I hereby declare that I will put his name on my shirt next season (even though I'm only 3' 2" tall. )
Here he is when he was last at Spurs. No doubt he'll be the next WHL pin up. At least he has a sense of humour; when asked what he'd be if he wasn't a footballer he said: " a virgin".

Tuesday, 14 July 2009

never tell anyone your address

I'm sure a lot of people on this membership list will attest to that. Some of them, bless 'em, are only on it because they made a sneaky £5 donation. It must be worrying to have your e mail address and phone number published like this so close to your stated affiliation. What would worry me if I was a BNP member is that there were people who saw themselves as anti Nazi but were actually a bit deranged themselves. It is possible you know. Who knows what they would do. Or what if someone in the US or Australia happened upon this list and saw how many members of the Griffin family were members (it's about 10% of the entire membership by the look of things) or they got hold of sell out "half wog" (BNP description not mine) Lawrence Rustem's details and gave him a taste of his own odious medicine. People from those countries might feel they were outside UK law and bombard them with mail, phone calls or worse.

I searched the list using Ctrl+f then typing part post codes and specific names to see how many of them live near me. I seem to have an old couple and a married woman near me. Always nice to know who your enemies are I think. In this case, as in a lot of things BNP related, it's a bit embarrassing really. Instead of fighting them I may just go round and criticise their curtains or something appropriate to their age and level of danger.

http://wikileaks.nl/leak/bnp-membership-list.txt

Lancaster Unity

This is a great blog. Full of passion and controlled rage. The overriding impression left when reading some of their many reports on just how crap the BNP members are is one of disdain. Look at the 'Crap Councillors' link on the right hand side if you get a chance. If these people had any redeeming qualities you might actually feel sorry for them.

http://lancasteruaf.blogspot.com/

Narrative

Stories can be told in all sorts of ways. Sometimes, though, all the elements come together so powerfully you find you have a best seller on your hands. If there was a Booker prize for stories told in three pictures then this would win it: Such emotion and so layered. Provide your own back story; provide your own denouement.

Monday, 13 July 2009

Black and white wedding

Typically I wear my one suit to all funerals, interviews and weddings. This weekend I had a wedding to go to and decided beforehand that I needed to do something different. I toyed with the idea of a chicken suit or my regular unironed and decrepit look but instead went out and did something that usually makes me very irritable: I bought new clothes. My girl had said she'd buy me something but scared the crap out of me when she said she'd seen a 'really nice brown suit'. Images of my geography teacher in his beige, elbow-patched, corduroy suit loomed large and the panic that ensued was enough to get my backside to the shed shops. Of course I did get irritable and I apologise unreservedly for asking one shop assistant "Do I look like a tosser?" when she suggested some shoes with lime green soles. (I think I know what her answer would have been). I came away with what I figured was adequately smart: a white collar-less shirt, black waistcoat, black cotton trousers and a belt to hold things in and up. I dutifully reported this to my lifestyle guru and she was even less than non-committal: "hmmm, sounds like it'll crease" I think were her exact words.

I lost all confidence in these clothes on the morning of the wedding and spent a good 2 hours trying to iron all of them (except the belt). I got so hot and bothered by this I had to re-shower. 1 point to the funeral suit. When I turned up at the pre-wedding rendezvous I was surprised when I wasn't greeted with howls of derisive laughter and some of my confidence returned. New clothes claw it back to 1-1.

We arrived at the wedding with a massive bunch of flowers and I sought out someone who looked like they were in charge. I approached a woman who was obviously the bride's sister (they looked similar- there wasn't a badge system or anything) "Where shall I put these?"
"Come with me..." We ran up the stairs and into some private back room. "Where's the other bunch?" she demanded.
"I only bought one,sorry. They're a present."
"Oh, I thought you were the flower delivery guy."
2-1 to the funeral suit I think.

We sat down and it wasn't long before I understood why so many people had seemed to be saying 'excuse me' in Turkish (it was a Turkish wedding) as I walked past: I was dressed exactly the same as the waiters. 3-1 to the funeral suit.

Apart from that everything was brilliant: Great people, plentiful food and drink, good company at our table, loads of comedy dancing and excellent music. May H and F be very happy for many many years in┼čallah (this is Turkish spelling I understand). If they need flowers delivering or tables serving I have just the outfit.

Hope not Hate

Thursday, 9 July 2009

Owen in the Dragon's Den

Lovely bit of editing. Of course I'll be laughing on the other side of my face when he puts 3 past us early on next season.

Warning