Spurs can win the title

Finally some real success! I was reviewing some footage on youtube yesterday including this one I posted from the end of the Carling Cup final (the one where we won, not the one we played magnificently in then lost because taking a good penalty is embarrassing or uncool or something)
[ contains clearly audible swearing- you have been warned. It wasn’t me, it was the bloke next to me]and I realised that the Champions’ league is all very well, if still annoyingly mis-named, but what about actually winning something? Then I found that Spurs are one win away from winning the league. It’s the Spurs Ladies but credit and straw clutching where it’s due. COYSL!

Health and safety gone mad

Spotted by the boy at Craven Cottage on Boxing Day.

Post match analysis

In some ways going to a football (soccer to South Africans) match here is like going to a game in the UK; in others it is a world apart. Traffic seems perpetually heavy in Joburg but the approach to the stadium is extra slow. Shepherd and Becki found a way to get to within a half mile of the stadium and the parking guys tried to turn them back. I suspect that they pointed to us in the back of the car because suddenly a traffic cone was moved and we were ushered into a spot a short walk away. The Orlando ground itself is surrounded by tin shacks and is in the heart of Soweto. It seems crude to make comparisons to the UK but White Hart Lane's situation amongst some of the shoddiest housing in London resonated a little. One thing that is different is the ticket price. Whereas most of those in Tottenham living in the council houses that surround the Lane would be unlikely to afford the 40 odd quid for a ticket the 20 Rand we paid (about £1.80) is reachable by a lot of people who live in what we would consider abject poverty.

The ground was impressive. Pretty much an all-seater stadium, the capacity is about 35-40,000. It was less than half full but most of the chiefs fans were bunched into our side of the ground along with a few hundred Swallows supporters so the atmosphere was still outstanding. Fufuzellas were being blown on the approach, while we were searched and throughout the match. Chiefs supporters continued to blow them even in defeat after the game. I saw one fight in the ground. It was pretty brutal and, as is often the case in the UK, the police sauntered up after it had dissipated.

Our mate at the hotel was right when he said we'd be the only 2 white faces in the crowd. There were (literally) more white people on the pitch than on the terraces. One of them was a German centre back for the swallows; he must have been a good 3-4 stone overweight. It was like watching one of those celebrity matches where Johnny Vegas or Peter Kaye dons a tight fitting shirt and huffs and puffs around for half an hour. We did get some odd looks but the unifying power of football meant that all my conversations with people around me were about the match. When I leaped up from my seat after a dodgy referring decision shouting 'he got the ball!' a bloke behind me slapped my shoulder and did the three stage hand shake thing that I still haven't fully mastered.

Constant dancing behind each goal added colour to a game that was in part skillful and fast and in part naive and unsophisticated. The close control and passing was at times first rate but the defending (especially from the Chiefs who I am told sacked their entire back line recently and now have 4 players who don't know what the others are doing) was appalling. The first goal for Swallows looked offside from where I was and I was told the following morning that TV replays from a hundred angles confirmed this. The Chiefs goal was a 25 yard effort from outside the 'D' and would have graced any Match of the Day montage. After Swallows second goal the Chief tried to pile on the pressure and at one point the owners son (named Kaiser) missed an absolute sitter in front of goal. The crowd was brutal. To a person (apart from the many babies swaddled and strapped to their mothers) the Chiefs fans did the 'get him off' signal (hands circling backwards around each other) until the coach relented.

Half time food was a slab of beef on 'Pap' which is like stodgy rice or porridge with veg and a tomato and chilli salad. I'd eat that every time over a White Hart Lane pie.

At the Lane you stand in queues behind a chosen urinal if you need to pee and basically wait your turn. the system at the Orlando stadium is similar though the blokes there squeeze two to a urinal which was a little disconcerting.

We were warned to be careful but I have to say that I never felt in the slightest bit threatened. It was exciting and perhaps a little edgy but you get that in a crowd anywhere. Few white people in SA are interested in the league soccer here. They focus on La Liga, The EPL or the Italian league. They can't helped themselves when it comes to 'Bafana Bafana' (the national team) but by and large there is an anxiety about being part of something that is so essentially a part of black South Africa. It too a long time for black and Asian people to feel comfortable attending English games though they, of course, had good reason to feel intimidated. I hope that white South Africans can start to get involved to an extent though not to the point where they take over.

The journey home enabled us to talk about the game, slag off the players and agree on men of the match. The guys stopped for a coke at the hotel and we carried on the footy themed conversation. It doesn't matter if you're talking Zulu or English; when it comes to football a dive is still a dive, offside is still offside and a crappy ref is still a crappy ref. Football is a language that people understand all over the world.

Joburg day 6 chiefs v swallows

We've had a hard day today. Adapting our materials to the reality of SA education has been a challenge to say the least- we're having to do constant updates and do a lot of thinking on our feet. I am (and the boss of course) becoming pretty expert in the complexities of SA education. Our reward for this graft is a match in Soweto between The Kaiser Chiefs and another Sowetan team: the Swallows. I was told that the people at our work place had sorted a driver and a 'chaperone' by one of the guys there who is built like a tank. I asked them if these guys were like him and he laughed. Moments later I saw why- two nervous guys about a foot shorter than me; one with a very dinky tie that only reached the second button. I think in fact we are the chaperones.

The barman here is a big Chiefs fan. I asked him what proportion of the crowd tonight would be white. He said "about 2".
"2 %?" I said.
"No, 2..just you two"

Spurs V Doncaster

Spurs prove this whole 'strength in depth' thing everyone is talking about.

Find more videos like this on yidbook

St George's Day

If it amounted to a bit of an excuse to put on a funny hat and have a drink then this would be a saint day like any other. It doesn't though and it really pisses me off. The flags come out and overt or thinly veiled racism gets a chance to mix it up a bit. I turned Radio 4 off this morning on my way to work because I heard them giving air time to one of the most odious, insidious, contemptuous of arses: Nick Griffin. His latest rallying cry is that 'allowing' black British people to call themselves black British amounts to 'bloodless genocide'. I would be happy to enlighten Griffin and his pathetic cronies about their obvious misunderstanding of the term though, not wanting to stoop to the same level, I'd resist the temptation to make it a practical demonstration.

History tells us that even at the most volatile times the far right never gets to more than 4th place in this country. Mosley's BUF had rallies with 10,000 people in attendance; the NF could muster a fair size crowd of very poorly educated and badly dressed thugs policed by often sympathetic and poorly educated but smartly dressed SPG units. That was about as well as they did because, by and large, and despite a systematic weakening of trade unions; some seriously dangerous changes to the national curriculum; a biased and ill balanced press and oppressive legislation & policing, most working class people in this country can see through all the crap that they (and now the BNP) peddle. This doesn't mean that we can become complacent though.

When I turned off the radio I re-tuned to TalkSport. I thought that, even though it's quite blokey, I could get away from the depressing stuff and listen to some stuff about football. The first thing I hear is Alan Brazil mouthing off about 'people coming over here with 6 kids, sponging off the state' and the fact that he paid for it. If he wasn't so obviously Scottish he'd be the very definition of a Little Englander. His ignorance is embarrassing. His status as a national broadcaster is beyond belief when you hear the kind of unsubstantiated Daily Mail type twaddle he waffles on about. He thinks he can get away with it because he follows it up by saying, 'Och, you can't say these things cos people think you're being racist when you're being patriotic.' Second guessing an opposing argument doesn't mean 1. you win 2. it makes your argument valid or 3. that you are worth listening to or 4. saying you're not something means that you're not that thing. Brazil is a nasty weasle. I hope that the TalkSport execs realise that he doesn't actually speak for target audience. It's doing the majority of football fans a serious disservice. You only have to go to The Library or The Lane to see that there's a lot of mixing on the terraces. despite the tribalism and history of hooliganism I actually believe that football offers an opportunity for harmonisation and increased cultural syncretism. It changes the the way you see other people. I see a Spurs shirt first- in the context of football nothing else matters. I (much to the embarrassment of the boy sometimes) will turn to the person next to me at the match or on the train and talk to them.

Contrary to belief of those that don't attend matches, most of the time it doesn't even matter what shirt they're wearing. Of course some people get carried away but a fight over football is, by definition, limited. It's never going to ignite the spark that will lead to oppression or genocide. Alan Brazil needs to bugger off back to the 1970s. The sooner that Talksport realise what an offensive and outdated Muppet that bloke is the better. I also think that everyone should be given an England shirt and flag. Then you'd be able to spot the scared, pathetic chumps by their lack of a cross of St George.

Post script: I am aware of the 'football war' but even a cursory flick through the history books will show that this was going to kick off anyway.

it wouldn't happen in tennis

You couldn't make this up. This is from MSN but the Guardian also reported it amongst others. I have resisited the temptation to make a whole bunch of cheap puns at the ref's expense; I'm sure he'll be the butt of many a joke every time he blows for anything.

Player penalised for breaking wind
A referee ordered a penalty to be retaken in a Sunday league football game after an opposition player "broke wind" as the ball was kicked. The referee also gave the player a yellow card for the noise which was classed as "ungentlemanly conduct". But Chorlton Villa, who conceded a goal on the second take, went on to win the match 6-4 against International Manchester FC at Turn Moss in Stretford, Manchester.
source: http://news.uk.msn.com/odd-news/article.aspx?cp-documentid=15764517&ocid=today
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I get why 'ungentlemanly conduct' was put inside inverted commas in the article but why put 'broke wind' in them? It's not like that's the official FA terminology for this act. I will raise it with the Football Association Rules & Terminology Society. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to conduct myself in an ungentlemanly fashion upstairs.

I know this is lazy

....but yesterday at the Villa (2-1- Yes!) there was some lovely banter between the two sets of fans. One or two were doing that snarling and agressive 'I'll kill you' type of thing but mainly it was fun. At least that's how it felt to us as we were winning the whole game.

I was trying to find the words of one of their chants because it sounds like it's quite inventive but the exact words get a bit lost in the Brummie accent. I couldn't find it but I did come across this.

While I'm (back) on the subject of noise and chants, Stan Collymore said in his commentary that 60,000 at the Emirates feels like 15,000. It's not just us Spurs fans that call it the library.

Chants of the season
By Chris Charles

Music

Middlesbrough (Bon Jovi's Living On A Prayer):"Ohh! We're half way there! Ohh-ohh! Aliadiere!"
Man City (Pink Floyd's Another Brick In The Wall):"We don't need no Phil Scolari,We don't need Mourinho,Hey! Thaksin! Leave our Sven alone!"
Bishop Stortford (Toni Basil's Hey Mickey - sung to St Albans goalkeeper Nick Eyre):"Hey Nicky you're so fine, you're so fine, you're two behind, hey Nicky!"
Arsenal (The Jackson 5's Blame it on the Boogie):"Don't blame it on Henry, don't blame it on the injuries, don't blame it on the referees, blame it on Eboue!" (notice how their chants are directed at their own players- weirdos)
Man Utd (Black Lace's Agadoo):"Anderson-son-son, he's better than Kleberson,Anderson-son-son, he's our midfield magician, To the left to the right we'll dance the samba beat tonight, He is class, our midfield brass, and he dumps on Fabregas!"
Newcastle (The Beatles' Let It Be):"When we find ourselves in times of trouble, Kevin Keegan comes to me. Speaking words of wisdom, Geremi!"
Tottenham (Elvis Presley's The Wonder Of You):"That's Ju-ande, Ju-ande Ramos!"
Everton (Black Lace/The Tweenies' Music Man):"I am the Music Man. I come from far away. And I can play (what can you play?) I Play The Pienaar! Pi Pi Pi Pi Pienaaaaaar!"
Chester (The Outhere Brothers' Boom Boom Boom - to Simon Yeo):"Boom, boom, boom, let me hear you say Yeo, Yeooo!"

Blackburn (Christmas standard Santa Claus Is Coming):"You better watch out,You better beware,He's good on the ground and he's good in the air, Santa Cruz is coming to town."

WHAT DO YOU LOOK LIKE?
"You're just a fat Paris Hilton."Arsenal fans to Liverpool's Andriy Voronin.
"There's only one Tina Turner!"Doncaster's big-haired Jason Price gets the treatment from Forest.
"You're just a fat Annie Lennox!"No More I Love Yous from the Spurs fans to West Ham's Dean Ashton.
"There's only one Roland Browning."Bognor Regis fans taunt big-boned Eastleigh sub Steve Watts.
"He's big, he's Scouse, he looks like Mickey Mouse!"Sheffield Wednesday fans take the mickey out of Franny Jeffers.
"You're supposed to be a gnome!"Millwall fans to Northampton's pint-sized full-back Danny Jackman.
"Sit down, Pinocchio!"Spurs fans to Boro boss Gareth Southgate.

Yesterday Ashley Young got 'You're just a shit Aaron Lennon'

GALLOWS HUMOUR
"Que sera sera,Whatever will be, will be,We're going to Forest Green,Que sera sera."Newly-relegated Wrexham fans against Hereford.

"Can we play you every week?"Man City fans while 6-0 down to Chelsea.
"Can we play you every week?"Man City fans while 7-0 down to Middlesbrough. .
"Easy! Easy! Easy!"Man City fans when the score reached 8-1. (all credit to them- I was told they were conga-ing around the terraces too)

"We're going down in a minute!"Gillingham fans at Leeds.

"Who needs Mourinho, we've got Dave Pacio."Droylsden fans get behind their manager as they finally win their first game of the season - at the 14th time of asking.

"We should have stayed at the funfair."Watford fans after going 2-0 down to Southend.

"Let's pretend we've scored a goal!"Bradford City fans during a 3-0 home defeat to Accrington Stanley, followed by all participants going crazy.

And a few more:

"Does your livestock know you're here?"Colchester fans to Norwich.

"We can see you washing up!"Swindon fans to the occupants of the flats in the corners of Leyton Orient's ground.

"I love Tottenham more than you!"Spurs fans to their loved ones back home while watching Tottenham on Valentine's Day in Prague.

"Are you Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch in disguise?!"Wrexham fans.

"Does your butler know you're here?"West Ham to Fulham fans.

"Can we play you every week?"Havant & Waterlooville fans when 1-0 up against Liverpool at Anfield in the FA Cup.

"Vera's dead, Vera's dead, Vera's dead!"West Ham fans away at Man City following the death of the character Vera Duckworth in Coronation Street.

"You should have banked with The Woolwich!"Derby fans to Northern Rock-sponsored Newcastle.

Bantam Wet

Feeling a bit down and nothing but work on my to do list I impulsively decided to take myself down to Valley Parade yesterday to see Bradford City play -second from bottom of league two-Mansfield. I don't know why Bradford are called the Bantams but I do know that they were the first winners of the current FA cup trophy (1911) and that the trophy itself was made in Bradford. I also know that Valley Parade was the venue of the Premier League's fastest ever goal scored by...Ledley King of all people in only 10 seconds.

I was soaked from fine, extra wet rain by the time I'd got there and installed myself in the 'noisy bit'. A dour performance and a 2-1 defeat didn't cheer me up much I have to say. However, a few other things caught my bar room anthropologist's eye and they made me glad I was there.

The first thing you might just be able to make out if you look over the shoulders of the teeming hoards of Mansfield fans in the TL Dallas stand is the dome of a mosque which, set as it is amongst the old mill buildings and workers' cottages, provides a stunning contrast and hints at all sorts of things about geography and history.

This notice I saw at half time whilst trying to put scalding mince in my mouth. If you can't read it all, under the actual vacancies advertised some Bradford wag has put 'fans'. To be fair, Bradford have the best support in League 2 and yesterday's attendance was around 13,500 which isn't far off the likes of Blackburn, Wigan and Boro. The buoyant attendances are in no small part due to the special offer of £110 season tickets (if 10,000 were sold). Next season it's buy one, get one free at £150(if 9,000 are sold. These season tickets are transferable so I may well get one. The only thing holding me back at the moment is what is Spurs got Bradford in the cup?

The final thing that really made me smile was the way all the people at the far end of the stand on the right of this picture. The rain teemed down at around 45 degree right in their faces but they all stayed where they were and wore these daft rain mac things. That would be fair enough if it was packed out but there were 10,000 spare seats and at least half of them were accessible and under cover. It's funny how compliant we are- their ticket had a seat number on it so that's where they were going to sit.

The only other game I saw at Valley Parade was 0-0. Maybe I should avoid the place; I could be their source of bad luck. They might just be crap but I hope not- they're a good honest Yorkshire club and I'm already beginning to see them as my second club.