head in the clouds

The jury is still out on Crouch but it looks like it'll come back with something a lot less than a unanimous decision even as we plough through another season. At least the Wembley Cup experience means that even the most optimistic Spurs fan will not be blithering on about a top 4 spot this season. The purchase of Peter the Great (big lumbering gangly lummox- just to make it clear where I stand on the debate) just adds to that sense of anti-climax. £10m sounds a lot but, unlike most footballers, Crouch has a special contract which stipulates he must be paid for by the inch. Too often we have been disappointed after big name signings up front: Rebrov, Pav et al. Now we just have the big. Don't get me wrong: I'm as thrilled as the next bloke that we'll be watching football at the highest level this season (pun intended) and entertained up to 8 times with robot dancing and hilarious mimes. People are talking about re-igniting the partnership with Defoe but how much of a partnership was that really? They got something like 15 goals between them at Pompey. Not exactly world beating is it. Is he better than what we have already? Hardly. Does he give us an alternative? Probably. Maybe 'arry is considering playing 3 up front and putting Keano in the hole ( a tiny one with a pot of gold coins in it). That's about as far as it goes for me. I so hope I'm wrong. If I am and he's a new legend and scores 20+ goals I hereby declare that I will put his name on my shirt next season (even though I'm only 3' 2" tall. )
Here he is when he was last at Spurs. No doubt he'll be the next WHL pin up. At least he has a sense of humour; when asked what he'd be if he wasn't a footballer he said: " a virgin".

champagne superwa***r

I still haven't worked out whether I want us to get the Europa League spot. On the one hand it'd be an amazing way to mark then end of Harry Redknapp's first season, especially after the first 8 games under Ramos. On the other, it'd be good not to get embroiled in the mess that is the poor cousin to the notoriously misnamed Champions' League. Either way it's probably academic as Fulham are on a roll and play the toffees who'll no doubt have one (collective) eye on the FA Cup and we play Liverpool who have nothing but frustration to keep them occupied after losing out to Man United.

The blue half of Manchester was at White Hart Lane on Saturday and I was glad it wasn't a decent team. The 2-1 scoreline was about right and, although Keane and Pav were like those uncoordinated people you get at half time who have won a competition that allows them to try to score but they can't because they're pants, a few players put in a decent shift.

From the back of the Paxton we couldn't work out who was on the end of some barracking from Park Lane and Shelf but this (from the Mirror) explained all:

Oasis' Liam Gallagher laid into Tottenham Hotspur supporters at White Hart Lane on Saturday (May 16), as the team played his beloved Manchester City.Spurs fans infuriated the Oasis singer by chanting "You're just a shit Chas & Dave" at him early on in the match. In response Gallagher, who was watching the game from an executive box alongside his elder brother Paul, taunted the home supporters by flicking his middle finger and V-signs at them, forcing the club's security step in and force him back to his seat.The Spurs fans had the last laugh though, beating Man City 2-1 on the day

Uncomfortable 4-0

I think Spurs are the only team in Prem who can make a 4-0 win look like a close run thing. In the end Keane made the difference that would probably have made an even bigger difference on Sunday. It's time to look at those daft 'cup tied' rules that stop a player from playing in a final if he's had 2 mins on the pitch for another club. Then, with FIFA and associated bodies realising they had it wrong, get the cup final replayed. At White Hart Lane. They would also realise that constant step overs are hugely irritating and confirm that Ronaldo must play with his legs tied to gether and a smug face covering wig on. Wigan should also play with wigs on.

Highlights from last night's game here:

http://www.football.virginmedia.com/page/Football/PremierLeague/VideoIndex/0,,12555,00.html?mvnAssetId=3766419?WT.mc_id=sj

Lennon was fantastic by the way.
4-0
COYS!

Transfer weirdo

I can see two patterns developing:

1. Spurs are signing all their old players while Harry Redknapp gradually morphs into Martin Jol behind the scenes. Defoe, Chimbumba and Keano are all back. Robinson is waiting for a call (but keeps dropping the phone), Malbranque has already put on his bowler hat and checked the knife at the end of his umbrella and Jimmy Greaves is said to be in training.

2. Arsene Wenger of Arsenal has finally gone mad. His lack of signings has been a mystery up until now but North and South can exclusively reveal that his new policy is to only sign players with bum related names hence to swoop on Andrei ArseShaving. He's said to be upset that he missed out on Danny Shittu and Benoit Ass-ooh Akkotto.

The incredible shrinking striker

Poor Robbie Keane. Benitez was interviewed last night about the rumours that Keano would be coming back to the lane in January having been a monumental flop so far this season at 'pool. To say that Benitez was less than effusive in his assurnace that keane would stay would be a massive understatement.

I always enjoyed a bit of a josh at his expense with cheap gags about leprachauns and the like but judging by this picture he's actually turning into one. I'm sure he wasn't that short last year. Or maybe it's Benitez who is growing comensurate with Liverpool's success. If they win the league he'll be like the giant doughy man at the end of Ghostbusters. If you stare at the picture long enough it actually looks like he's expanding.

I'd welcome him back just so that I could do my crappy irish accent again and my son could wear his 'Keane' shirt.

Stereotypes

I know I made a cheap gag about Liverpool getting robbed on Saturday but sometimes I gawk (is that even a word?) at the way people reinforce stereotypes of themselves. If there's one thing that's guaranteed to make it into the press it's the burglary of footballers' houses while they're playing. This from football 365:

LUCAS THE LATEST LIVERPOOL PLAYER TO BE BURGLED
Posted 07/11/08
Lucas Leiva has reportedly become the eighth Liverpool player to be burgled while playing for the club in the last two years.
According to The Independent, the midfielder arrived home after Tuesday's match with Atletico Madrid to discover that the Olympic bronze medal he won in Beijing this summer had been stolen, along with Brazil and Liverpool shirts.
"Taken from the address was an amount of jewellery and some very distinctive football and sports memorabilia. These items have significant personal importance to Mr Leiva and they were associated with some very cherished memories" confirmed . Acting Detective Chief Inspector Peter Parry of Merseyside police.
The Brazilian youngster is just the latest in a long line of Liverpool players to suffer such an opportunistic crime.
Since 2006, Steven Gerrard, Dirk Kuyt, Robbie Keane, Pepe Reina, Daniel Agger, Peter Crouch and Jerzy Dudek have all been burgled while on playing duty.


When Robbie Keane was burgled I think they stole his leprachaun magic goal scoring potion (that irish stereotype is part of the 'North and South' buy one get one free policy)

Good riddance to chocolate

So, as per every year, the new kits are unveiled in time for parents all over North London and the South East (and one in Yorkshire) to mutter under their breaths: '£54.99...??? daylight robbery...I'll get his grandma to knit him one...bah.'

Glory glory hallelujah though; the chocolate monstrosity has gone. When Ferguson famously made his team change out of a grey strip at half time I scoffed along with the rest of the world but that shite brown thing they wore in some of our worst performances last season must have had an effect. Maybe it made them hungry or camouflaged or something.

The one Robbie is wearing is a one off to celebrate 125 years of THFC- it looks a bit like the Blackburn kit but is supposedly close to what the Spurs wore back in the days. The whole 125 year thing makes me feel old- I have a Spurs centenary shirt in a drawer somewhere- not that it fits so well now; people were smaller in those days.

I like the look on Berbatov's face: 'Why they put me in yellow? Yellow not a man's colour, I want Dawson shirt. Will use poison tipped umbrella on him in minute. That will show...now where I put my hair band...?'