Thursday, 26 March 2009

Pub Z

It's only 3.45 but I have already finished all the things I needed to do today and I'm not in the mood to start any new stuff. Although it was probably annoying and distracting, I started talking to a colleague about when I worked in France. While looking for pictures of Avignon to illustrate my rambling, teary-eyed narrative I came across this one of Bernard, the owner of Pub Z. We all called him 'le boss' and were there when he opened the place back in 1987. He liked our custom so much he actually let us have a tab at the bar. I think it may have been something to do with the fact that we were necking about 10 beers to every local's 1. And ours weren't pink.

His zebra themed T shirt reflects the zebra theme in the whole bar. the bar top and decor were all zebra striped. He even had a zebra striped motorbike. Not many french people got the 'cool' vote from us when we were there in our 20s but this bloke certainly did. In fact I seem to recall he had a news cutting (from the Guardian I think) on the wall which reported on his installation of a condom machine in the gents' toilets. This was a first in France at the time.
I don't know who the other bloke is.

Born too late

This is from the year I was born. I love all these girl groups that end in -ettes or -elles but the Ronettes have a sound and look that transcends the lot. I'd love to have been around then. Jimmy Greaves and Veronica Bennet; what a combination! It's no secret that Ronnie Bennet/ Spector's life when married to Phil Spector was awful but I had no idea just how nutty he was. He'd lock her in the mansion and kept a gold and glass coffin that he reckoned he'd put her in if she left him. I have a plain wooden one in my cellar- why waste all that money?

Tuesday, 24 March 2009


I know I keep banging on about this but the noise at the Lane was impressive on Saturday. The whole ground joined in the 'Oh when the Spurs...' and that was before we scored. I can't find video of the Chelsea game but this gives a bit of a taste. It's funny that this video is by someone I have never met but he was stood about 10 yards from me and the boy and our voices are part of the sound you can hear here. I guess if you had CIA/ MI5 gizmos you could probably find us in the video too.

Post script: I've just noticed from the still that it looks like everyone's doing a Nazi salute. They're not.

Spurs 1 Chelsea 0

Suffice to say that stupid ticket prices and the long drive back to Yorkshire didn't bother us this weekend.

I haven't seen or spoken to my (Chelsea supporting) grandad since the game. I think I need a couple more days to get all the gloating out of my system. Because I haven't seen him I don't have a crying grandad picture to include here so I'll just have to make do with a crying John Terry.


The last time I was at Villa Park was for the 1982 FA cup semi final versus Leicester City. We stood on the left hand side of the Holt End and suffered a shower of sharpened 10 pence pieces the whole game. I actually collected more than my ticket cost.

Apart from the seats it hasn't changed much. However, where they have put up a big screen in the corner where they put the away fans they have just dumped it in front of some seats. We found it funny.
this is the away section before it filled up and below a close up with the seats behind a wall.
We won 2-1.

Friday, 20 March 2009


Two weeks ago I got some paint out of the cellar to touch up the stair well; Dragging beds and sofas upstairs took its toll when I moved in. I'd been meaning to do this since the start of December. I identified the correct paint, tried it and put the lid back on the tin. I walked past it just now. I could have easily done the rest of the touching up but I haven't. This doesn't surprise me since this is pretty much who I am. I wonder how long it'll sit on the newspaper on the kitchen floor and how long the paint brush will sit in the little mini sink that's part of the bigger sink I have got. I don't mind the brush being in this little sink as I can't actually work out what it could be for anyway.

Similarly, I have often wanted to read in the kitchen but have put up with only one of the halogens working and the centre light not working at all (even though i did try changing the light bulb when I moved in). Today I actually replaced one of the halogen bulbs and unscrewed the centre light and found a wire had come loose. I slotted it back in and now have a light. It has taken me 4 months to get round to that.

I've been trying to work out why it takes me so long to start (then finish) things like this. It's not because I don't care about how things look or don't see the benefit in doing it. It's not because I'm lazy; I work pretty hard some (if not all) of the time. It's not because I don't have time enough to do it. I have sat and watched some pretty crummy matches on TV recently; I could easily have found 15 minutes to sort it out. I think that I have some sort of psychological problem with it. Each time I think about it it feels like an insurmountable obstacle but one that will be easier to navigate "later". I spose I should be pleased that I have done it at all.

Wednesday, 18 March 2009

London to Brighton

I have a sister who lives in Brighton. Whenever she visits it always takes her hours. Usually she'll go the wrong way, lose a rabbit or have an argument with some stroppy British Rail (or their modern equivalent) employee. This film which I found on TVARK (a real time stealer website that one) proves that she could do it in 3.5 minutes. I really don't know why she has so much trouble.

I tried to upload the hi res version but it didn't work so the YouTube one will have to do.

Monday, 16 March 2009

I know this is lazy

....but yesterday at the Villa (2-1- Yes!) there was some lovely banter between the two sets of fans. One or two were doing that snarling and agressive 'I'll kill you' type of thing but mainly it was fun. At least that's how it felt to us as we were winning the whole game.

I was trying to find the words of one of their chants because it sounds like it's quite inventive but the exact words get a bit lost in the Brummie accent. I couldn't find it but I did come across this.

While I'm (back) on the subject of noise and chants, Stan Collymore said in his commentary that 60,000 at the Emirates feels like 15,000. It's not just us Spurs fans that call it the library.

Chants of the season
By Chris Charles


Middlesbrough (Bon Jovi's Living On A Prayer):"Ohh! We're half way there! Ohh-ohh! Aliadiere!"
Man City (Pink Floyd's Another Brick In The Wall):"We don't need no Phil Scolari,We don't need Mourinho,Hey! Thaksin! Leave our Sven alone!"
Bishop Stortford (Toni Basil's Hey Mickey - sung to St Albans goalkeeper Nick Eyre):"Hey Nicky you're so fine, you're so fine, you're two behind, hey Nicky!"
Arsenal (The Jackson 5's Blame it on the Boogie):"Don't blame it on Henry, don't blame it on the injuries, don't blame it on the referees, blame it on Eboue!" (notice how their chants are directed at their own players- weirdos)
Man Utd (Black Lace's Agadoo):"Anderson-son-son, he's better than Kleberson,Anderson-son-son, he's our midfield magician, To the left to the right we'll dance the samba beat tonight, He is class, our midfield brass, and he dumps on Fabregas!"
Newcastle (The Beatles' Let It Be):"When we find ourselves in times of trouble, Kevin Keegan comes to me. Speaking words of wisdom, Geremi!"
Tottenham (Elvis Presley's The Wonder Of You):"That's Ju-ande, Ju-ande Ramos!"
Everton (Black Lace/The Tweenies' Music Man):"I am the Music Man. I come from far away. And I can play (what can you play?) I Play The Pienaar! Pi Pi Pi Pi Pienaaaaaar!"
Chester (The Outhere Brothers' Boom Boom Boom - to Simon Yeo):"Boom, boom, boom, let me hear you say Yeo, Yeooo!"

Blackburn (Christmas standard Santa Claus Is Coming):"You better watch out,You better beware,He's good on the ground and he's good in the air, Santa Cruz is coming to town."

"You're just a fat Paris Hilton."Arsenal fans to Liverpool's Andriy Voronin.
"There's only one Tina Turner!"Doncaster's big-haired Jason Price gets the treatment from Forest.
"You're just a fat Annie Lennox!"No More I Love Yous from the Spurs fans to West Ham's Dean Ashton.
"There's only one Roland Browning."Bognor Regis fans taunt big-boned Eastleigh sub Steve Watts.
"He's big, he's Scouse, he looks like Mickey Mouse!"Sheffield Wednesday fans take the mickey out of Franny Jeffers.
"You're supposed to be a gnome!"Millwall fans to Northampton's pint-sized full-back Danny Jackman.
"Sit down, Pinocchio!"Spurs fans to Boro boss Gareth Southgate.

Yesterday Ashley Young got 'You're just a shit Aaron Lennon'

"Que sera sera,Whatever will be, will be,We're going to Forest Green,Que sera sera."Newly-relegated Wrexham fans against Hereford.

"Can we play you every week?"Man City fans while 6-0 down to Chelsea.
"Can we play you every week?"Man City fans while 7-0 down to Middlesbrough. .
"Easy! Easy! Easy!"Man City fans when the score reached 8-1. (all credit to them- I was told they were conga-ing around the terraces too)

"We're going down in a minute!"Gillingham fans at Leeds.

"Who needs Mourinho, we've got Dave Pacio."Droylsden fans get behind their manager as they finally win their first game of the season - at the 14th time of asking.

"We should have stayed at the funfair."Watford fans after going 2-0 down to Southend.

"Let's pretend we've scored a goal!"Bradford City fans during a 3-0 home defeat to Accrington Stanley, followed by all participants going crazy.

And a few more:

"Does your livestock know you're here?"Colchester fans to Norwich.

"We can see you washing up!"Swindon fans to the occupants of the flats in the corners of Leyton Orient's ground.

"I love Tottenham more than you!"Spurs fans to their loved ones back home while watching Tottenham on Valentine's Day in Prague.

"Are you Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch in disguise?!"Wrexham fans.

"Does your butler know you're here?"West Ham to Fulham fans.

"Can we play you every week?"Havant & Waterlooville fans when 1-0 up against Liverpool at Anfield in the FA Cup.

"Vera's dead, Vera's dead, Vera's dead!"West Ham fans away at Man City following the death of the character Vera Duckworth in Coronation Street.

"You should have banked with The Woolwich!"Derby fans to Northern Rock-sponsored Newcastle.

Tuesday, 10 March 2009

gansta spelling

I have just been leafing through some student portfolios. These are mostly 16 year old lads who probably think, as I did when I was their age, that lank, greasy hair and ill- fitting, grubby clothes are de riguer (It is also likely that they avoid salting and peppering their slang-filled speech with cutesy frenchisms). Much more interesting than the work they'd done was the way some had chosen to decorate the inside covers. I was surprised to find that a lot of them had 'Brian luvs Julie 4 eva!' and such like. My inclination towards stereotype had always suggested that this was a female thing to do. The best one had something similar as a centre piece then carefully written in 3D letters across the top was the phrase:
Togetha Foreva in Life till Deaf!
I did ask how long this poor lad had before his hearing went and how the girl would be so callous as to announce her intention to leave at the onset of disability but my question fell on death ears.

Friday, 6 March 2009


I can sing like this. Better even. This one is especially for my girl.

Unlike Frank I can clap in time and respond to minor choreographic instructions with enthusiasm. If only I had mafia connections.

Thursday, 5 March 2009

My dad will beat up your dad

From the Guardian today, this is a rare peach:

Cristiano Ronaldo was involved in a confrontation with Newcastle's Steven Taylor in the players' tunnel at half-time of Manchester United's 2-1 victory at St James' Park on Wednesday night, calling the Newcastle defender 'a rubbish footballer' and having to be calmed down by his captain, Rio Ferdinand, and the referee, Steve Bennett.
Taylor had been booked for a rash challenge on Ronaldo before half-time and the pair exchanged angry words as they made their way to their dressing rooms. Ronaldo reportedly started the exchange by calling Taylor a rubbish footballer, to which the Newcastle defender responded by allegedly saying that, at least, "he wasn't ugly".
Ronaldo repeated the claim about Taylor being a poor footballer and the exchange ended with the defender apparently saying, "I know, but you are still ugly" before Ferdinand and Bennett intervened.

Ronaldo is a petulant, over protected, arrogant, spoilt brat. And, when you think about it, isn't the adonis he thinks he is with those whiney pug features. However, I have to say that Taylor's retort was pretty feeble. I much preferred it when he smashed him across the face with his forearm. I just wish he'd connected better.

Uncomfortable 4-0

I think Spurs are the only team in Prem who can make a 4-0 win look like a close run thing. In the end Keane made the difference that would probably have made an even bigger difference on Sunday. It's time to look at those daft 'cup tied' rules that stop a player from playing in a final if he's had 2 mins on the pitch for another club. Then, with FIFA and associated bodies realising they had it wrong, get the cup final replayed. At White Hart Lane. They would also realise that constant step overs are hugely irritating and confirm that Ronaldo must play with his legs tied to gether and a smug face covering wig on. Wigan should also play with wigs on.

Highlights from last night's game here:,,12555,00.html?mvnAssetId=3766419?WT.mc_id=sj

Lennon was fantastic by the way.

Wednesday, 4 March 2009

Boro tonight

17:59 pm
My mate just phoned from Tottenham and told me that the Middlesborough fan had arrived already. That's dedication for you. I hope that the stewards remind him that he is allowed to shout or even sing though how well a solo will go down with the rest of Park Lane is unclear.

Tuesday, 3 March 2009

I shall never drink Carling again!

Too many cliches occur and block my efforts to express the feelings and experience of Sunday's narrow defeat: roller coaster, passion & pride, sick as a parrot.

Suffice to say the boys done good and we're proud of them. Or to use Harry's exact words: 'I'm well pleased with the lads.'

This is all apart from:

a) Pav's free kick (nyet, nyet, I take, I am striker, look.... Chyort voz'mi! I hit big screen)
b) Bentley's penalty. He can put a ball in a skip from a hundred yards for a Rolex (see below) but can he hit a sodding barn door or Ben Foster from 12? The answer is no.

It was actually quite emotional. Most fans stayed to cheer the players when they went up for their medals (compare Chelski fans last year who were heading back to the Bridge before the final whistle blew) and there was none of the churlish 'I didn't care about this mickey mouse cup' attitude that I remember from '82 when Liverpool beat us. At the end of that game we sang 'Stick your milk cup up your arse'. It was a bigger trophy in those days too.


On my way out of work today I nearly fell down the stairs because I tripped on the sign warning me about the wet floor.