after the library, a take away

credit to 606er (Galvin and Stacey) for this one. We have to gloat and bask while we can.

2-3 MEAL DEAL

STARTERS
Hard Cheese & Sour Grapes
Prawn Brigade Cocktail
Roasted Walnut
Poached egg (on face)

MAINS
Humble Pie, (cooked with goons fat)
Mashed Spuds*


EXTRAS
Pat Mullered Rice
Garlic Breath
Cheesy wums

BEVERAGES
Whine
Bottled Water**
Flat Champagne


*Off the menu
**due to unforseen cirumstances all stock has been damaged

Arsene Wenger takes defeat like a man

It was the water's fault! It's the wrong types of water! Putain de bordel de merde!

What else is there to say...I am buzzing

Arses V Spurs

If, as most of us do, Spurs fans accept that the usual roller coaster of a season will continue as normal then Saturday's game against the Woolwich Wanderers will be a dismal affair. Afterthe shockingly brilliant performance against Inter at the Lane I was actually excited as we drove towards that monument to banality that is the Reebok Stadium a couple of weeks ago. I joked that we'd probably play like donkeys but felt that we couldn't be that bad. In fact we weren't that bad. We were worse. It was abject from front to back of the team. Half decent Lancastrian pies didn't go far to ease the pain. Pav's goal was the only hight point in a game that made Bolton look like title contenders.

The draw with Sunderland in the week has only just been made to look half decent after their annihilation of Chelski but we were back to winning ways versus Blackburn. The peak of the roller coaster upturn was not the end of the game mind you. It was about 65 minutes in when we should have been cruising comfortably at 4-0. As is usual with both roller coasters and Spurs the downward rush was fast, shocking and yet pretty predictable. Only Spurs could panic at 4-0 and, to be honest, it could have been 4-4 at the end. Mind you, it could just have easily been 10-6. Defences are often likened to leaky buckets full of holes but Spurs' is more like the Maginot line: A big no entry sign in one or two places but some bloody obvious and easy ways round. Gallas is Belgium in this analogy.

With all that in mind we have some way to go before our cart rumbles towards another upturn. Our only hope is that we get there before the end of the Arse match. If we keep the first half down to 3 or fewer goals against we might prevent humiliation by getting a couple back. I can't say I'm looking forward to it.

so near yet so far yet so near

My prediction of doom looked well and truly fulfilled on Wednesday when, after 10 mins, Spurs were a goalkeeper and two goals down to Inter in the San Siro. When it went to 4-0 the boy and I had even given up swearing at the TV. The incredible hat trick from Bale in the second half means that the record will show a close match and an exciting one. The latter is true but not the former. Still we proved we can score against them. Well, we proved that Gareth Bale can score against them. When that third one went in the boy leaped out of his seat and let out a guttural "YEESS" which then turned into a weird squeak. His voice hasn't been the same since. I then stupidly became optimistic and thought we could do it but the ref had had too much and blew up far too early.

Saturday versus Everton was the very definition of lacklustre. 1-1 suggests a touch of excitement but really I got more of thrill vicariously when seeing the enjoyment of a mate from South Africa who had come to his first Spurs game. I sat in the East Stand away from the rest of the crowd and had to endure a commentary on the ref, a lot of moaning and tutting whenever anyone tried to join in the singing. I may have had a better view than normal but I'm not sitting there again.

phew

Marriage, divorce, bereavement and moving house are supposed to be the most stressful life experiences but I can tell you that watching Spurs last night was more stressful than at least one of those (though maybe I speak too soon). In my usual glass half empty way of thinking I thought that today would be all doom and gloom with City fans popping out of the woodwork and closet Tories secretly smirking to themselves about their likely victory. Suffice to say that I was half wrong (so I reckon that makes my glass 3/4 empty) and a crushing BNP failure and hung parliament may have it close to the top. For those City fans who are inconsolable I am happy to share this story of hope that has backfired miserably. There's always someone who has it worse than you (unless you are actually Kirk Bradley). Sometimes it is wise to see an empty glass.

From Manchester Evening News Aug 17 2009

"OPTIMISTIC Blue Kirk Bradley is so sure of Manchester City's success next season that he's had a tattoo announcing them as Champions League Winners for 2011.
The Premier League season is barely underway but already the 25-year-old is so confident that not only will his team qualify for the Champions League this time round but that they will win it at their first attempt next year. So football-mad Kirk decided to have 'Manchester City 2011 Champions League Winners' permanently tattooed on to his body - even though they only finished 10th last year. And although he admits his prediction is somewhat premature Kirk thinks it's an entirely realistic expectation for big-spending City - who have splashed out £100m on new players this summer. "

What the heck is going on?

On Sunday we all had our heads in our hands. The pitch was awful and the ref was worse but you have to be up for it and Spurs just didn't seem to be. Credit to Pompey and I'll be rooting for them on final day. It's hard to believe that with this at the start of the week and my dad seriously ill on Tuesday I could even contemplate saying this is one of the best weeks I can remember. I should say that the most important thing is that my dad is out of hospital and proving he's well on the road to recovery by getting back to his old sweary self. Victories against L'Arse and Chelski though have left me breathless and shocked. Wednesday night was amazing. Today's result even more unbelievable. I'd have taken 2 points from these three games (we have Man U at Old Trafford next week) but this is simply not the Tottenham I know. Gareth Bale ran for 120 mins on the crappy wembley pitch, 90 mins on Wednesday and another 90 today. The elfin features clear hide a terminator like robot body; he's relentless and scaring the crap out of the defences. Gomes has his own set of super powers and if Dawson hasn't proved his worth to Fabio by now then he never will.

In addition to this:

Ledley King was immense on Wednesday
Danny Rose's goal!
The crowd!
see the highlights here
We should have scored 6 today


I still expect Spurs to fluff it when least expected- maybe Bolton will pull off a shock at WHL or Burnley will relax and play free flowing football on the last day of the season. Whatever happens no-one can take the Monday to Saturday part of this week away from us.

the psyche of the spurs fan

Some SMS texts exchanged during Wednesday's win against Fulham:

Pre-match

".... I am not happy with our team. We are going to lose 1-0."

"tell A to wear her lucky socks"

"Already done."

"I got my scarf on"

Fulham go 1-0 up

"told you"

"shite"

From West ham fan: " when the moon something eye, something pizza pie that's Zamora!"

"we're losing it in midfield"

"Come on Harry shake it up"

"they need to close it down like Fulham are."

"don't worry, it's a game of two halves"

"I hope that Fulham tire"

"If they do we've got a chance"

"can't see us scoring"

"wasted free kick"

"can't sit back against this shower. COYS!"

During half time

"It's time to turn up and play some football Spurs!"

1-1: Bentley

"always rated him"

"awesome"

2-1: Pav

"Oh yes!"

"Get in there"

"Harry's done the business"

"super pav"

"s u u u u u p e r"

"we want 9"

"knew we'd beat this lot easy"

3-1 Gudjohnson

"lucky."

"own goal"

":0"

"it's dreamland man. city losing, Villa dropped points. rematch against Chelsea at Wembley"

"I'm getting sick and tired of Spurs letting us down. Where's the disappointment? Where's the moaning? it looked good for 45 mins but they ruined it all. If they're not careful they'll win something"

No complaints

No-one has mentioned their surprise at my lack of entries this last week or so which means my girl's contention that the 10,000 plus hits are all her being nice and supportive may well be true. Not that I actually write for an audience, though I do have this slightly morbid idea that if I drop dead then my family have some sort of personal record of me beyond the photos on their mobile phones. It does mean I could probably be a lot more risque though I guess. Even so and even when I'm busy as heck I get itchy fingers if I don't put something up here. I used to mock diary keepers, saying they were girly, unnecessarily introspective and embarrassing. At least they were private. I was wrong of course. There's a catharsis in the writing and the odd bit of one to none counselling potential if I read back over entries at random. I can see for example how my mood does lift after I'm low and how there are things well worth being grateful for. As a sort of online memory it's great. Since I have nothing to write about I thought I'd put up photos from the last two London games we went to. The first is Craven Cottage in the FA cup 6th round. The sky was a lot nicer than the ground. As I type Spurs fans are planning their trips to Wembley for the semi finals all but forgetting that the 0-0 scoreline in this game means that we actually have to win the replay first.
The second photo is from last Saturday's win against Blackburn. My ultra brief match summary:
we scored three legit goals: first well made corner from Nico, nodded on by Charlie, tapped in by Defoe. Second breakaway finished by Pav. Third, great cross from man of match Bale to Pav.
They scored from corner after Samba climbed all over Daws. they scored another that was disallowed even though it was legit. Howard Webb missed 3 pen claims- two for us, one for them. Webb was rubbish. He'll be another embarrassment to England at the World Cup. They had about 40 fans there. 10 of them sang 'your support is f***ing s**t' I think they were being ironic. We sang 'What time's your minibus?'

Just heard that John Terry managed to run over a security guard at Stamford Bridge after last night's exit at the hands of the 'special one'. He drove off claiming not to have noticed he'd broken someone's leg. He really is the ultimate tosser. Twice in the last month I have wanted Chelsea to win- once when playing our new arch rivals from the middle eastlands and last night. They blew it both times. Or mysterious forces are at play. I wanted them to win last night because my granddad is a Chelsea fan and it's his birthday. He's in his 80s so his headhunting days are over and he can't get his aggression and anger out by arranging a fight with some guys from a Spurs or Millwall firm.

Sticky toffee win

I could bang on about a game of two halves but that would be such a cliche. I could be grateful for the 3 points and an afternoon's entertainment with the guys but that would be neglecting the impact this game had on my stress levels and heart condition (I mean the condition of my heart not a heart condition). I could even report on such delights as the Spurs fans chanting "USA USA" when Landon Donovan missed an open goal from two yards. Instead though I will give player ratings for each half. I think this says it all.

By the way, the ratings are out of ten and are the numbers after the name not the squad numbers which are at the front.

First Half (Spurs 2- Everton 1)
01 Gomes 7
03 Bale 9
19 Bassong 7
20 Dawson 7
22 Corluka 8
06 Huddlestone 7
12 Palacios 7
14 Modric 9
21 Kranjcar 8
09 Pavlyuchenko 8
18 Defoe 7

Second half (Spurs 0- Everton 1)
01 Gomes 5
03 Bale 6
19 Bassong 5
20 Dawson 5
22 Corluka 5
06 Huddlestone 1 (Kaboul 52 mins) 5
12 Palacios 6
14 Modric 7
21 Kranjcar 6
09 Pavlyuchenko 6 (Crouch 82 mins) a big fat zero
18 Defoe 7 (Gudjohnsen 71 mins) 2

If you prefer high level critical anlysis from people on the front line this is what David Moyes said: "It was a game of two halves. Tottenham were better in the first and we were much better in the second. "
And this is what 'arry said: "Overall I thought we played well and we were terrific at times in the first half. "
Yeah well, they must have been watching too much of the smug non analysis on Match of the Day.

Spurs 13 Crewe 2

pure class! click on the picture to take you to the Pathe film of the match

THOSE SPURS! WHAT A CREW!

Stress level

I told myself before the game that it didn't matter. I told myself that league position was more important. BUT the FA cup always gets you in the end and I sat there pointlessly shouting at the screen, twiddling my thumbs and trying to keep my blood pressure down. Watching live for some reason is easiest. When you're at a game defeat is much easier to deal with, the match passes quicker and control over internal organs is greater. Watching on TV is much more stressful for some reason. I bet more people have heart attacks watching at home than they do at actual games. It's even worse on the radio. perhaps it's something to do with the effort put into perception and imagination. At the ground you have the whole pitch and get a feel for the ebb and flow. On TV you only see a window; you can't see the player just off screen who is going to comfortably make that crucial tackle. On the radio you imagine it all, listen to the crowd, listen to the intonation of the commentator and as such your mind's eye puts you in a permanent state of anxiety. I always complain about commentators who are distracting because they say 'errr' or 'you know' too much but perhaps that is a deliberate ploy to stop their listeners dropping dead at the wheel while listening to the match on their way home from work.

I knew that Leeds would get a last second equalizer last night. It didn't stop me from feeling sick about it when Beckford's pen hit the back of the net. Occasionally I allowed myself to get absorbed in what was actually a fantastic cup tie but then frustration kicked back in as I realised that by not burying any of the many chances (including a penalty- that's four misses in a row for Defoe) we would 'do a Spurs'. I'll probably go to the replay just to avoid the anxiety of watching on TV or listening on the radio.

After the game I thought I deserved some cheering up so I went in search of sweet things from the 'treat cupboard'. After much deliberation I settled on two chunks of Toblerone and a long chewy sweet called a 'stinger' that I'd put in the fridge earlier. I had tried to eat one a few days before (possibly after the Liverpool game) but found my teeth and jaw weren't up to it. On that occasion the thing had ended up about eight foot long as I pulled it in to ever thinner strands. The fridge thing worked. I broke a piece off the Stinger and chewed away almost contentedly while 'The Wire' whirred into life on the PS3. As the opening scene unfolded I threw caution to the wind (or with gay abandon as it was when I was a kid) and bent the Stinger back to snap off a massive chunk. Before I knew it this thing exploded in my hands and pieces of sharp chew were over my jumper, the chair and in my hair. I got up and looked in the mirror. A small sliver had embedded itself in my forehead just above my eye-brow. As I pulled it out it actually drew blood. An inch lower and I could have been in hospital fighting to keep my eye, surrounded by disbelieving doctors muttering about how if I'd been ten the social services would have been called ages ago.

I ate the bit I pulled out of my head. I don't think I would have done if it had gone in my eye.

Bad behaviour pays

I read the following article with interest for a number of reasons. Firstly Supersport United are the team to beat in the ABSA prem but I went and chose Kaizer Chiefs when I was in SA. Chiefs have climbed the table since I was there so actually having abetter season than Spurs (now that we dropped points v Hull and let 'pool win on Wed night). Supersport are top though and play some decent football. I had no idea there was such a strong link between Spurs and Supersport.

The second thing that caught my eye was the bit at the bottom about how the project is funded. There's something wrong there somewhere but I can't seem to put my finger on it. Robbie Keane takes a whole bunch of team mates to Ireland for a "golf weekend" just before Christmas and gets two weeks wages fine. "To be sure, it's ok," he says, "We did it for yer orphans in Africa". I'm glad the money goes there but what if they all start behaving themselves?

SuperSport United, our South African academy partner, made a special delivery on behalf of the Club to the SOS Children's Village in Rustenburg, South Africa, earlier this month.
The delivery of education packs, including dictionaries and stationary, was part of our ongoing support for the SOS Children's Village. The packs were hand-delivered by a number of the SuperSport United first team in time for the start of the new school term.
SOS Children has been our global charity partner since 2007 and has helped fund and construct the charity's orphan village in Rustenburg, South Africa, including the development of the Tottenham Hotspur House.
The 'Spurs House', which is uniquely funded by monies received from players' fines, now provides orphaned children in Rustenburg with a family and an SOS mother they can call their own.
Over 78,000 orphaned and abandoned children are cared for by SOS mothers in clusters of family homes in more than 500 Children's Villages in 124 countries worldwide. For more information on SOS Children's Villages visit the website www.soschildrensvillages.org.uk.

xmas footie

5 clean sheets, 4 wins, a good draw at Fulham...when's it all going to go wrong? Oh yeah, we've got Liverpool on Sunday. We always lose when it's 'our best chance in decades of getting a result'.

The 4-0 win over Peterborough was unusual. There was no tension at all. It never seemed like we'd blow it. Strangely though that lack of edge meant that something was lost. Credit to their fans though; they were great. Much more satisfying was the win over Wet Spam. Again they weren't very good but they could have got something from the game and that tension makes the relief and the goal celebrations that much more sweet. Their fans, in contrast, were nasty and humourless.

{insert balls joke here}

Went to Everton with the boy and a mate on Sunday. I'd have taken 2-2 before the game but after being 2-0 up and missing a hatful of chances it felt like a defeat in the end. Defoe's penalty miss just rubbed salt into the wound.

Much more interesting was what we saw as we walked into the ground and found our really uncomfortable terracing/ seats. (both me and the boy came out with rotten back ache from standing on narrow tilted terraces the whole game- it was like going back 30 years; the whole ground is like that though- charming and nostalgic but ultimatley pretty crap). We saw what we took to be the Everton mascot doing the rounds along our side of the pitch."Dad....what does their mascot look like to you?" There was no context, no explanation, just a giant pair of bollocks with big eyes, a smiley face and pretty grotesque hairs poking out the top dancing around behind three women who (again inexplicably) were wearing Gazza-esque plastic arses. Of course it transpired that it had something to do with testicular cancer awareness which is no laughing matter but they could have flagged that up a little. I'd have loved to have made jokes about the appropriateness of this as a mascot but they came back well and made mugs of us even though it was only 12 mins of the game. Before their first goal you could hear Spurs fans suggesting Moyes bring on Mr Testicles to give them a bit more up front (damn I knew I couldn't get through this without a crap joke) in place of the rubbish Jo. Instead he opted for Saha and Yakubu and they (Saha especially) made all the difference.

The mascot is actually called Mr testicles. We didn't catch his first name but the boy thinks it's probably Dave.

Their fans were pretty poor I have to say. I can recall them beating us at the Lane and coming away feeling pretty crap about our noise levels but it wasn't half as quiet as it was at Everton for the first 80 mins. 'Just like the library' echoed round the ground along with 'We've got Jermain Defoe; you've got our stereos'. You could see the players buck their ideas upwhen the crowd got going. prior to that it seemed to be one 12 year old girls squeeking 'USA, USA, USA' .

The other thing that amazed me was how close Anfield and Goodison are. I've only ever been on a coach before to either ground and had no idea they were spitting distance away from each other. Makes the whole ground sharing thing seem to make sense. To be honest Everyon could play in Stanley Park (which sits between the two grounds) and the ice cream stand there and the public toilets would mean the faciliies were better.

apparently Mr Testicles has his own blog (thanks to best mate for flagging that up- it's in his favourites list) http://mrtesticles.blogspot.com/2007_07_03_archive.html

bananas, my oven and spurs at villa

Three quick unrelated topics:

1. This is what the internet should be for: http://www.peopletalkingonbananas.com/

2. I'm waiting for a bloke to come to fit a new (flexible) pipe to my cooker so that another bloke can come and fix the bloody cooker itself. I've been a month without an oven and hoped that a morning off work would be enough to get stage 1 of the repair out of the way. I was told he'd be here between 8am and 12 noon. It's 12.05 and he's not here. I phoned at 10 and they said he'd be here within the hour. I have to go to work soon so I'm not happy.

3. Good result on sat (1-1 at Villa Park) even though we perhaps should have won it. Chelski helped us out by stuffing Les Arses too. In lots of ways the result was more reassuring than the Wigan result. The Observer said that we were unlucky to the same degree we were lucky against Wigan. All in all a good weekend though.

we woz there!

• Equals most goals scored in prem league
• most goals scored by a team in one half
• Defoe equals most goals scored by one player in prem
• Spurs biggest victory in top flight
• Most goals scored since 1977 (9-0 v Bristol Rovers- I was there too)

To say the half dozen Wigan fans that were there looked dejected after the game is something of an understatement. I felt sorry for them as their mini bus collected them, ready for the long drive back to Lancashire. We waved to them but for some reason they didn't wave back. To their credit some actually applauded. I was grateful as my involvement in the victory was at least as signigficant as Defoe's, but who gets all the glory?

I hear that Scharner (who scored after controlling the ball with his hand, having taken lessons from Theirry Henry in midweek) has magnanomously come out and said he's happy for the game to be replayed.

Bolt-on entertainment

The match was definitely entertaining yesterday: 4 goals shared, monsoon conditions followed by sunshine followed by gale force winds, a comedy of errors in defence and a novelty linesman who seemed to have forgotten his glasses and rule book. The best thing though was this poor bloke they sent on at half time. The tannoy is so bad at the Reebok that I didn't catch his name but you had to feel for him. He ambled around in the centre circle singing his head off while the bulk of the Bolton fans and all the Spurs fans laughed. Between songs a chorus of "shall we sing a song for you?" rang out between playful boos which, to his credit, he had a laugh about. It was the little, jiggy dance that he did that made me wince most. I bet, unless he's really skint, he won't accept that invitation again.

tonic

I thought I'd recovered from my swine flu lite. I had all the symptoms except the temperature. It seems that heat is the key. It didn't mean that I wasn't feeling as ropey as I had in a long time; it just meant that the state and most people didn't really give a stuff (not that I didn't get any sympathy, though a little more proper nursing and fuss would have been welcome). I've come into work today and feel crappy again. I think I may have a desk allergy. My mate phoned the swine flu helpline last week when he was feeling similarly cruddy.

'Are you phoning for yourself or on behalf of someone else?'
'For me.' he said.
'OK, I will go through some questions. Question 1. Are you conscious?'

How much confidence does that inspire?

They say that a person's state of mind has a significant impact on their physical health so one thing that did make me feel better was the football at the weekend. Despite playing well below par Spurs still managed a 5-0 win. I could hardly believe it when Keane slotted in his fourth of the game. And Chelsea lost at Wigan. The 5-1 win at Preston in the week also flattered Spurs a bit I think but, I'll tell you what, I am not complaining.

Crested Tabard

Harry Redknapp and Ledley did a promo thing at Spurs new training facility and were pictured, as is typical in these situations, in High Viz vests. I nearly missed the fact that they have the club crest on them. I really hope all the workers on the site are given these to wear. It may stop Chavs or Arses or Irons from working on the site. I know there's a credit crunch on but I could imagine plenty of people refusing to go that far for work. It'd also stop the practice of burying shirts of opposing clubs in the foundations as Spurs construction workers did when they built the new library.

Spurs V Doncaster

Spurs prove this whole 'strength in depth' thing everyone is talking about.

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