Arses V Spurs

If, as most of us do, Spurs fans accept that the usual roller coaster of a season will continue as normal then Saturday's game against the Woolwich Wanderers will be a dismal affair. Afterthe shockingly brilliant performance against Inter at the Lane I was actually excited as we drove towards that monument to banality that is the Reebok Stadium a couple of weeks ago. I joked that we'd probably play like donkeys but felt that we couldn't be that bad. In fact we weren't that bad. We were worse. It was abject from front to back of the team. Half decent Lancastrian pies didn't go far to ease the pain. Pav's goal was the only hight point in a game that made Bolton look like title contenders.

The draw with Sunderland in the week has only just been made to look half decent after their annihilation of Chelski but we were back to winning ways versus Blackburn. The peak of the roller coaster upturn was not the end of the game mind you. It was about 65 minutes in when we should have been cruising comfortably at 4-0. As is usual with both roller coasters and Spurs the downward rush was fast, shocking and yet pretty predictable. Only Spurs could panic at 4-0 and, to be honest, it could have been 4-4 at the end. Mind you, it could just have easily been 10-6. Defences are often likened to leaky buckets full of holes but Spurs' is more like the Maginot line: A big no entry sign in one or two places but some bloody obvious and easy ways round. Gallas is Belgium in this analogy.

With all that in mind we have some way to go before our cart rumbles towards another upturn. Our only hope is that we get there before the end of the Arse match. If we keep the first half down to 3 or fewer goals against we might prevent humiliation by getting a couple back. I can't say I'm looking forward to it.

What the heck is going on?

On Sunday we all had our heads in our hands. The pitch was awful and the ref was worse but you have to be up for it and Spurs just didn't seem to be. Credit to Pompey and I'll be rooting for them on final day. It's hard to believe that with this at the start of the week and my dad seriously ill on Tuesday I could even contemplate saying this is one of the best weeks I can remember. I should say that the most important thing is that my dad is out of hospital and proving he's well on the road to recovery by getting back to his old sweary self. Victories against L'Arse and Chelski though have left me breathless and shocked. Wednesday night was amazing. Today's result even more unbelievable. I'd have taken 2 points from these three games (we have Man U at Old Trafford next week) but this is simply not the Tottenham I know. Gareth Bale ran for 120 mins on the crappy wembley pitch, 90 mins on Wednesday and another 90 today. The elfin features clear hide a terminator like robot body; he's relentless and scaring the crap out of the defences. Gomes has his own set of super powers and if Dawson hasn't proved his worth to Fabio by now then he never will.

In addition to this:

Ledley King was immense on Wednesday
Danny Rose's goal!
The crowd!
see the highlights here
We should have scored 6 today


I still expect Spurs to fluff it when least expected- maybe Bolton will pull off a shock at WHL or Burnley will relax and play free flowing football on the last day of the season. Whatever happens no-one can take the Monday to Saturday part of this week away from us.

Why I love the Guardian

If I'd set this for myself as an essay I could go on for ages. I am sure there are better reasons than this but for me it's those unexpected moments of pleasure that set it apart from the rest. My second flick through the last Saturday's sports pages meant that I didn't miss a real gem. It, as they say, is funny because it's true.

"Footprints of astronauts who landed on the moon should last at least 10 million years since the moon has no atmosphere. For the exact same reason, stud marks of footballers who play at Stamford Bridge should last at least 20 million years."

The same can't be said for the Stadium of Light. I'd have enjoyed it a lot more if Spurs had fielded an actual team rather than grannies in disguise. Highlight of the game was Bent's two missed penalities. After his second goal, the mackems sang "are you watching Fabio?" After his second miss we sang exactly the same thing.

Spurs fans are, of course, partisan, but they're also fair. Steed Malbranque played very well on Saturday and was one reason (of many) why they mauled us. He got applause and the customary 'Steeeed' from Spurs and was applauded off after the aforementioned mauling. Bent, on the other hand, is a class A tosser it has to be said. His Spurs tattoo concealed beneath his Sunderland shirt he mocked the Spurs fans like it was us that said Harry Rednkapp's missus could have taken chances for us that he hadn't. I used to defend him and always said there was a role for him. I take it all back. His mockery is a declaration of war. He won the first battle but the haranguing he got after that must have had some impact on his feeble penalty efforts and help explain his substitution. I know that from now on he'll not get applause when he comes to the Lane (like he did earlier on in the season) but vilification and derisory cheers for every fluffed effort.

Darren, You'll never play for England.

No complaints

No-one has mentioned their surprise at my lack of entries this last week or so which means my girl's contention that the 10,000 plus hits are all her being nice and supportive may well be true. Not that I actually write for an audience, though I do have this slightly morbid idea that if I drop dead then my family have some sort of personal record of me beyond the photos on their mobile phones. It does mean I could probably be a lot more risque though I guess. Even so and even when I'm busy as heck I get itchy fingers if I don't put something up here. I used to mock diary keepers, saying they were girly, unnecessarily introspective and embarrassing. At least they were private. I was wrong of course. There's a catharsis in the writing and the odd bit of one to none counselling potential if I read back over entries at random. I can see for example how my mood does lift after I'm low and how there are things well worth being grateful for. As a sort of online memory it's great. Since I have nothing to write about I thought I'd put up photos from the last two London games we went to. The first is Craven Cottage in the FA cup 6th round. The sky was a lot nicer than the ground. As I type Spurs fans are planning their trips to Wembley for the semi finals all but forgetting that the 0-0 scoreline in this game means that we actually have to win the replay first.
The second photo is from last Saturday's win against Blackburn. My ultra brief match summary:
we scored three legit goals: first well made corner from Nico, nodded on by Charlie, tapped in by Defoe. Second breakaway finished by Pav. Third, great cross from man of match Bale to Pav.
They scored from corner after Samba climbed all over Daws. they scored another that was disallowed even though it was legit. Howard Webb missed 3 pen claims- two for us, one for them. Webb was rubbish. He'll be another embarrassment to England at the World Cup. They had about 40 fans there. 10 of them sang 'your support is f***ing s**t' I think they were being ironic. We sang 'What time's your minibus?'

Just heard that John Terry managed to run over a security guard at Stamford Bridge after last night's exit at the hands of the 'special one'. He drove off claiming not to have noticed he'd broken someone's leg. He really is the ultimate tosser. Twice in the last month I have wanted Chelsea to win- once when playing our new arch rivals from the middle eastlands and last night. They blew it both times. Or mysterious forces are at play. I wanted them to win last night because my granddad is a Chelsea fan and it's his birthday. He's in his 80s so his headhunting days are over and he can't get his aggression and anger out by arranging a fight with some guys from a Spurs or Millwall firm.

Spurs 1 Chelsea 0

Suffice to say that stupid ticket prices and the long drive back to Yorkshire didn't bother us this weekend.

I haven't seen or spoken to my (Chelsea supporting) grandad since the game. I think I need a couple more days to get all the gloating out of my system. Because I haven't seen him I don't have a crying grandad picture to include here so I'll just have to make do with a crying John Terry.

Don't be a plastic fan

Despite the self destruct button being stuck firmly in the 'on' position and despite our relative lack of success in the last 20 odd years compared to Woolwich Wanderers, Spurs still manage to come third, above the Woolwich, in a poll on best supported clubs. A 30,000 waiting list for season tickets on top of the 22,000 that already exist is a further testament to this support. It's re-assuring in a way. "Plastic" Liverpool fans were everywhere when I was a kid and used to really get up my nose. The same thing happened with Man Yoo; most of their fans have less distance to travel when they play us at White Hart lane than when we play them at Old Trafford. The lack of noise at the New Library suggests that a lot of those plastic seats have plastic arses sitting on them. However, Chelsea still have a teeny fan base by comparison. Most people searching for a glory club realising that Abramovich and his cash won't be there for ever(sorry grandad!). I'm looking forward to the day that they re-join us in mid table mediocrity so that future brother in law has to change his club again

Percentage support by club
1. Liverpool – 14.3

2. Manchester United – 11.8

3. Tottenham Hotspur – 9.7

4. Arsenal – 9.6

5. Newcastle United – 5.8

6. Manchester City – 5.3

7. West Ham United – 4.9

8. Aston Villa – 4.4

9. Chelsea FC – 3.6

10. Everton FC – 3.1

This was taken from this article

Another interesting thing in it is that 6% say they support a club because they were attracted to one of the players. I'm guessing that's mostly women but who knows? They do say that Arsenal have the biggest gay following in the country. Maybe it's more to do with the gorgeous Theo than the name of the club or the manager.

I know someone who took a shine to Dimitar Buggerov. Her eyes would go all misty when he came down our end of the pitch. Did she switch her allegiance when he switched to man Yoo? No, of course not. She switched her allegiance to Frazier Campbell. Not a glory hunter, just a cradle snatcher.

While I'm on the subject of Chelsea...

Of course most people will have seen this by now but I like the yellow in contrast to the blue on this page:

And if anyone thinks I'm being mean then read this:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-539397/100-000-week-football-star-John-Terry-ignores-60-fine-park-disabled-spot.html

I know it's from the Daily Mail but they have worked hard to evidence their claims and I don't see a retort from Terry's agent or, indeed, from his mum. It basically says he parked his big flashy car in a disabled spot for two hours so he could go for a pizza. Arrogant SOB is learning what karma feels like this week. Arrogance will be punished! (for evidence see Ronaldo's missed penalty in same game)

Chelsea

My grandad has supported chelsea all his life. Of course I want him to be happy but I was pleased when John Terry fluffed that penalty in the champ league final on Wednesday. I was pleased too when Drogba got sent off for being a spoilt baby. This isn't because of the rivalry or because:

• Chelsea are Spurs' second biggest rivals after Ar5ena1
• Drogba is a cheat
• it's funny seeing a bloke on 70k a week blub his eyes out wondering why no-one feels sorry for him
• they have bought recent success
• their supporters were disgraceful in the Carling Cup, leaving before the end and not making a noise even when 1-0 up
• I know an ex Blackburn "fan" who has metamorphasised into a a "die hard" Chelsea "fan" coincidentally as Blackburn became shite and Chelsea became good.

Nope, it's because a significant minority are like this bloke:

They have a Jewish owner and, until about 24 hours ago a Jewish coach. Still they didn't see the irony of taunting Spurs with anti semitic chants and this kind of Nazi stuff. The girl in the picture will grow up to be an ignorant snarling chav and the world will continue to be a miserable place. Knowing that this bloke was pissed off on Feb 24th and last Wednesday night makes me feel a bit better about that.

Knowing that there is no-one more decent on this planet than my grandad, that he was part of the fight against Nazism and that he'll have appreciated a good match gives me even more hope.

Carling Cup Final Highlights