after the library, a take away

credit to 606er (Galvin and Stacey) for this one. We have to gloat and bask while we can.

2-3 MEAL DEAL

STARTERS
Hard Cheese & Sour Grapes
Prawn Brigade Cocktail
Roasted Walnut
Poached egg (on face)

MAINS
Humble Pie, (cooked with goons fat)
Mashed Spuds*


EXTRAS
Pat Mullered Rice
Garlic Breath
Cheesy wums

BEVERAGES
Whine
Bottled Water**
Flat Champagne


*Off the menu
**due to unforseen cirumstances all stock has been damaged

Arsene Wenger takes defeat like a man

It was the water's fault! It's the wrong types of water! Putain de bordel de merde!

What else is there to say...I am buzzing

Arses V Spurs

If, as most of us do, Spurs fans accept that the usual roller coaster of a season will continue as normal then Saturday's game against the Woolwich Wanderers will be a dismal affair. Afterthe shockingly brilliant performance against Inter at the Lane I was actually excited as we drove towards that monument to banality that is the Reebok Stadium a couple of weeks ago. I joked that we'd probably play like donkeys but felt that we couldn't be that bad. In fact we weren't that bad. We were worse. It was abject from front to back of the team. Half decent Lancastrian pies didn't go far to ease the pain. Pav's goal was the only hight point in a game that made Bolton look like title contenders.

The draw with Sunderland in the week has only just been made to look half decent after their annihilation of Chelski but we were back to winning ways versus Blackburn. The peak of the roller coaster upturn was not the end of the game mind you. It was about 65 minutes in when we should have been cruising comfortably at 4-0. As is usual with both roller coasters and Spurs the downward rush was fast, shocking and yet pretty predictable. Only Spurs could panic at 4-0 and, to be honest, it could have been 4-4 at the end. Mind you, it could just have easily been 10-6. Defences are often likened to leaky buckets full of holes but Spurs' is more like the Maginot line: A big no entry sign in one or two places but some bloody obvious and easy ways round. Gallas is Belgium in this analogy.

With all that in mind we have some way to go before our cart rumbles towards another upturn. Our only hope is that we get there before the end of the Arse match. If we keep the first half down to 3 or fewer goals against we might prevent humiliation by getting a couple back. I can't say I'm looking forward to it.

What the heck is going on?

On Sunday we all had our heads in our hands. The pitch was awful and the ref was worse but you have to be up for it and Spurs just didn't seem to be. Credit to Pompey and I'll be rooting for them on final day. It's hard to believe that with this at the start of the week and my dad seriously ill on Tuesday I could even contemplate saying this is one of the best weeks I can remember. I should say that the most important thing is that my dad is out of hospital and proving he's well on the road to recovery by getting back to his old sweary self. Victories against L'Arse and Chelski though have left me breathless and shocked. Wednesday night was amazing. Today's result even more unbelievable. I'd have taken 2 points from these three games (we have Man U at Old Trafford next week) but this is simply not the Tottenham I know. Gareth Bale ran for 120 mins on the crappy wembley pitch, 90 mins on Wednesday and another 90 today. The elfin features clear hide a terminator like robot body; he's relentless and scaring the crap out of the defences. Gomes has his own set of super powers and if Dawson hasn't proved his worth to Fabio by now then he never will.

In addition to this:

Ledley King was immense on Wednesday
Danny Rose's goal!
The crowd!
see the highlights here
We should have scored 6 today


I still expect Spurs to fluff it when least expected- maybe Bolton will pull off a shock at WHL or Burnley will relax and play free flowing football on the last day of the season. Whatever happens no-one can take the Monday to Saturday part of this week away from us.

we are top of the league!

Warning: overuse of exclamation marks may follow!!

Leapfrogging Arsenal!
Beating Hammers on their patch in their cup final!
3 wins out of 3!
Come from behind!
Defoe and Lennon on fire!
5 goals away from home on Wednesday!
Beat Liverpool first game!

So it won't last but I needed to get my gloating off my chest. This is literally the best start Spurs have had in my life! Last time we won three on the trot at start of season was 1960!

I know this is lazy

....but yesterday at the Villa (2-1- Yes!) there was some lovely banter between the two sets of fans. One or two were doing that snarling and agressive 'I'll kill you' type of thing but mainly it was fun. At least that's how it felt to us as we were winning the whole game.

I was trying to find the words of one of their chants because it sounds like it's quite inventive but the exact words get a bit lost in the Brummie accent. I couldn't find it but I did come across this.

While I'm (back) on the subject of noise and chants, Stan Collymore said in his commentary that 60,000 at the Emirates feels like 15,000. It's not just us Spurs fans that call it the library.

Chants of the season
By Chris Charles

Music

Middlesbrough (Bon Jovi's Living On A Prayer):"Ohh! We're half way there! Ohh-ohh! Aliadiere!"
Man City (Pink Floyd's Another Brick In The Wall):"We don't need no Phil Scolari,We don't need Mourinho,Hey! Thaksin! Leave our Sven alone!"
Bishop Stortford (Toni Basil's Hey Mickey - sung to St Albans goalkeeper Nick Eyre):"Hey Nicky you're so fine, you're so fine, you're two behind, hey Nicky!"
Arsenal (The Jackson 5's Blame it on the Boogie):"Don't blame it on Henry, don't blame it on the injuries, don't blame it on the referees, blame it on Eboue!" (notice how their chants are directed at their own players- weirdos)
Man Utd (Black Lace's Agadoo):"Anderson-son-son, he's better than Kleberson,Anderson-son-son, he's our midfield magician, To the left to the right we'll dance the samba beat tonight, He is class, our midfield brass, and he dumps on Fabregas!"
Newcastle (The Beatles' Let It Be):"When we find ourselves in times of trouble, Kevin Keegan comes to me. Speaking words of wisdom, Geremi!"
Tottenham (Elvis Presley's The Wonder Of You):"That's Ju-ande, Ju-ande Ramos!"
Everton (Black Lace/The Tweenies' Music Man):"I am the Music Man. I come from far away. And I can play (what can you play?) I Play The Pienaar! Pi Pi Pi Pi Pienaaaaaar!"
Chester (The Outhere Brothers' Boom Boom Boom - to Simon Yeo):"Boom, boom, boom, let me hear you say Yeo, Yeooo!"

Blackburn (Christmas standard Santa Claus Is Coming):"You better watch out,You better beware,He's good on the ground and he's good in the air, Santa Cruz is coming to town."

WHAT DO YOU LOOK LIKE?
"You're just a fat Paris Hilton."Arsenal fans to Liverpool's Andriy Voronin.
"There's only one Tina Turner!"Doncaster's big-haired Jason Price gets the treatment from Forest.
"You're just a fat Annie Lennox!"No More I Love Yous from the Spurs fans to West Ham's Dean Ashton.
"There's only one Roland Browning."Bognor Regis fans taunt big-boned Eastleigh sub Steve Watts.
"He's big, he's Scouse, he looks like Mickey Mouse!"Sheffield Wednesday fans take the mickey out of Franny Jeffers.
"You're supposed to be a gnome!"Millwall fans to Northampton's pint-sized full-back Danny Jackman.
"Sit down, Pinocchio!"Spurs fans to Boro boss Gareth Southgate.

Yesterday Ashley Young got 'You're just a shit Aaron Lennon'

GALLOWS HUMOUR
"Que sera sera,Whatever will be, will be,We're going to Forest Green,Que sera sera."Newly-relegated Wrexham fans against Hereford.

"Can we play you every week?"Man City fans while 6-0 down to Chelsea.
"Can we play you every week?"Man City fans while 7-0 down to Middlesbrough. .
"Easy! Easy! Easy!"Man City fans when the score reached 8-1. (all credit to them- I was told they were conga-ing around the terraces too)

"We're going down in a minute!"Gillingham fans at Leeds.

"Who needs Mourinho, we've got Dave Pacio."Droylsden fans get behind their manager as they finally win their first game of the season - at the 14th time of asking.

"We should have stayed at the funfair."Watford fans after going 2-0 down to Southend.

"Let's pretend we've scored a goal!"Bradford City fans during a 3-0 home defeat to Accrington Stanley, followed by all participants going crazy.

And a few more:

"Does your livestock know you're here?"Colchester fans to Norwich.

"We can see you washing up!"Swindon fans to the occupants of the flats in the corners of Leyton Orient's ground.

"I love Tottenham more than you!"Spurs fans to their loved ones back home while watching Tottenham on Valentine's Day in Prague.

"Are you Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch in disguise?!"Wrexham fans.

"Does your butler know you're here?"West Ham to Fulham fans.

"Can we play you every week?"Havant & Waterlooville fans when 1-0 up against Liverpool at Anfield in the FA Cup.

"Vera's dead, Vera's dead, Vera's dead!"West Ham fans away at Man City following the death of the character Vera Duckworth in Coronation Street.

"You should have banked with The Woolwich!"Derby fans to Northern Rock-sponsored Newcastle.

Don't be a plastic fan

Despite the self destruct button being stuck firmly in the 'on' position and despite our relative lack of success in the last 20 odd years compared to Woolwich Wanderers, Spurs still manage to come third, above the Woolwich, in a poll on best supported clubs. A 30,000 waiting list for season tickets on top of the 22,000 that already exist is a further testament to this support. It's re-assuring in a way. "Plastic" Liverpool fans were everywhere when I was a kid and used to really get up my nose. The same thing happened with Man Yoo; most of their fans have less distance to travel when they play us at White Hart lane than when we play them at Old Trafford. The lack of noise at the New Library suggests that a lot of those plastic seats have plastic arses sitting on them. However, Chelsea still have a teeny fan base by comparison. Most people searching for a glory club realising that Abramovich and his cash won't be there for ever(sorry grandad!). I'm looking forward to the day that they re-join us in mid table mediocrity so that future brother in law has to change his club again

Percentage support by club
1. Liverpool – 14.3

2. Manchester United – 11.8

3. Tottenham Hotspur – 9.7

4. Arsenal – 9.6

5. Newcastle United – 5.8

6. Manchester City – 5.3

7. West Ham United – 4.9

8. Aston Villa – 4.4

9. Chelsea FC – 3.6

10. Everton FC – 3.1

This was taken from this article

Another interesting thing in it is that 6% say they support a club because they were attracted to one of the players. I'm guessing that's mostly women but who knows? They do say that Arsenal have the biggest gay following in the country. Maybe it's more to do with the gorgeous Theo than the name of the club or the manager.

I know someone who took a shine to Dimitar Buggerov. Her eyes would go all misty when he came down our end of the pitch. Did she switch her allegiance when he switched to man Yoo? No, of course not. She switched her allegiance to Frazier Campbell. Not a glory hunter, just a cradle snatcher.

Transfer weirdo

I can see two patterns developing:

1. Spurs are signing all their old players while Harry Redknapp gradually morphs into Martin Jol behind the scenes. Defoe, Chimbumba and Keano are all back. Robinson is waiting for a call (but keeps dropping the phone), Malbranque has already put on his bowler hat and checked the knife at the end of his umbrella and Jimmy Greaves is said to be in training.

2. Arsene Wenger of Arsenal has finally gone mad. His lack of signings has been a mystery up until now but North and South can exclusively reveal that his new policy is to only sign players with bum related names hence to swoop on Andrei ArseShaving. He's said to be upset that he missed out on Danny Shittu and Benoit Ass-ooh Akkotto.

Reds help blues

I have spent the last three days marking work. Each assessment takes about 40 mins or so to do and I have done 30. It doesn't sound like much at a rate of ten a day but, believe me, it takes it out of you. My wrist is stuck in a funny position, my back aches and I am now convinced that 90% of the trainees I work with get pleasure from deliberately ignoring basic instructions.


I was just finishing off the last of the typing this afternoon and was feeling strangely melancholic. I was expecting a surge of euphoria but it felt more like the feeling I get when I have a lie in. Disappointingly un-refreshing or energising. I listened to the footy on the radio while I did this and was buoyed by most of the results which were favourable to Spurs' still precarious position.


The Carling Cup semi draw to Burnley hadn't cheered me up though I think I'd have been sceptical of our chances even if by some quirk in the rules Man U had been booted out, Women's Institute XI had replaced them and we'd drawn them with the first leg at the Lane the same night that nice Bruce Forsyth was on the telly talking about jam.


The only result I didn't approve of was Les Arses jammy (I knew there was a WI link there somewhere) 1-0 over Wigan at the new library. However, listening to the reports it seems that the fickle so called supporters were booing their own players. Even when they'd won! They then went on the 606 talk in to justify their position. I started to feel a little cheered by this.


It got me thinking about how we get on players' backs at the lane. Last season Bent got a lot of stick and his nervousness showed. This season the whole crowd have been biting their nails every time the ball went anywhere near Gomez. This tension was obviously rubbing off on him but then a strange thing happened...


At some point opposing fans started to tease our big cry baby keeper and we went all defensive. 'We love you Gomez, we do..' started to be heard. No sooner had we got behind the man with the biggest and butteriest fingers in England (couldn't include Scotland in this for obvious reasons) started looking super confident, even getting a man of the match award! Then, even funnier, David James did his comedy pass out in the UEFA cup mid week and even more spotlights turn away.


Anyway, these thoughts and the cheery warm feeling I got from hearing Les Culs de Woolwich stressing themselves out made me realise that the secret to contentment and a return from the edge of the Abyss of Glumness was to look at some of my favourite photos:

Nayim from the half way line...

Iz no fair

" if you don't stop mucking about they'll beat us 5-1. Oh and smell my finger"

Heck, they didthis next one is the league table of noisy fans. Posted on the 606 message board by an arse**l fan!
Edward munch night in a south London pub

crowing caught in the home fans' throats

The line above is from the Guardian match report on last night's game. Beyond that, words can't really describe so let's have some pictures. Bentley lobs Almunia from 40 yards

Hutton and Corluka chase Bentley. Don't know why Hutton is smiling- he gifted les Arses 2 of their goals
Another mistake by Almunia lets in Bent to make it 3-2. Almunia's woeful performance is eclipsed only by our own keeper's ineptitude.

Jenas celebrates the fact that he's rubbish unless we're playing Ar**nal. Below is proof of this odd characteristic.

Celebrations after Lennon's last second equaliser to make it 4-4 with a fan that had run on to the pitch. What's disturbing is the fan is a dead ringer for Steed Malbranque. Sunderland may be doing OK but once a Spur, always a Spur it seems.

It's not so much Lennon wheeling away here that I like but the shell shocked looks on the faces of Les Arses in the background.

Re: post below

...just in case you're thinking that this noise thing (in the post below) is a new phenomenon and Spurs position is a one off : http://www.metro.co.uk/sport/football/article.html?in_article_id=73059&in_page_id=43

Post script 28th Oct: Just seen this in the Mirror. Wenger's been having a go at the Asenal fans again. Seems he's blaming it on the recession this time! http://www.mirror.co.uk/sport/football/2008/10/24/arsene-wenger-attacks-quiet-arsenal-fans-for-making-emirates-new-library-115875-20834046/

Normally I'd hide a long URL like that but there's something poetic about the wording of it. Can you hear the Arsenal sing? No! No.... etc.

12th man

Spurs fans describe the Emirates as 'the library'. This worked slightly better when the arses played at Highbury but the suggestion of silence irritates them for sure. We know they don't sing much because it's hard to when you're downstairs eating the almost proverbial corporate prawn sandwich so really they can't be blamed. Layer on top of that the number of fee paying clients from overseas in the pricey seats who have yet to master the offside rule let alone songs in a foreign language. I happened upon this though in the paper yesterday. It says it all really. Les Arses not even in the top ten. They're somewhere below Boro which is, frankly, very very embarrassing. Spurs are a creditable second in the decibel chart. Most of that is me and the boy, by the way as we are embarrassingly noisy.

Me and the boy were up at Stoke last Sunday and they really do crank up the volume sometimes. I'd still say we sang more and for longer but the noise when they did get going was impressive. So, despite all our woes and all the mockery, Spurs fans are doing the team proud. When you think about it, it's the only thing you can do as a supporter. The jibes about the team's quality are hollow and meaningless when they come from some lard arse waste of space who's done nothing more than shovel pies and pints down his throat all his miserable life. Jibes about the other team's 12th man are the only ones that count in my book. This is probably why two of Spurs' favourite chants are 'is that all you take away?' (referring to the number of empty seats in the small away section at the Lane) and 'shall we sing a song for you? (to the same tune, so no points for creativity).

Amusingly, Bolton only had about 100 fans at the Lane yesterday and this is after Bolton provided FREE transport to London. The only song they sang was about their manager Gary Megson and how he pleasures himself (not quite in those words). How must that make the team feel? Team captain is heard to shout: 'Come on lads, listen to those forty fat blokes telling the boss he's crap... what more motivation do you need?'

Stoke's football style seems to be something like this: kick the ball down either wing, hope it's cleared for a throw in, get Rory Delap to throw it really really hard into the penalty area. They've scored three times from that method this season but teams are gradually wising up. I think they'll need something more than that and the 12th man if they're to survive. At the game against Man City yesterday the City fans were singing:

We've got Robinho

You've got the long throw

The only thing that let Stoke down really was their crap attempt at a 'United against racism' message. Nothing wrong with the sentiment and you could travel a long time before coming a cross such large sections of overtly racist fans (and that was from the mouth of one of their stewards) but the organisation of the coloured cards was embarrassing. No point in me describing it; have a look at the shambles for yourself:

Going back to my original point: you often hear opposing fans singing 'You only sing when you're winning' to each other. Considering Spurs have only been winning once this entire season, that's a charge that can never be levelled their fans.

Jokes

Being a football supporter with your colours tied firmly to this mast or that always leaves you with strong likelihood that you'll be on the receiving end of some banter when your team is losing. Of course this doesn't apply to most Man Yoo fans a) because Man Yoo win all the time and b) The 'fans' don't suffer the banter because most of these hard core red devils live not in Manchester but in Brighton, Kent, Oulan Bator, Ouagadougou etc.

We all know of people that support Man Yoo, Les Arses or EhEhPool because they're nothing but glory hunters. Lately of course they have shifted their attention to Chelski. I think I have described before how my future brother in law used to be Blackburn (coincidentally when they won the league) and now (it be magic for sure) finds himself a season ticket holder at Stamford Bridge. Who knows who he'll support next year but Hull are looking like a good bet.

There's something noble about taking the jokes on the chin when your team's doing badly. The jokes this last few weeks have been coming thick and fast. Thank God we've got beyond two points so that I can stop hearing the 3 points for speeding and the triangle joke. Even my mum pulled a collection of Spurs jokes out of her bag when we visited at the weekend!

Anyway, to prove that we are nobler and stronger than these 'plastic' fans here is the Guardian's collection. http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2008/oct/21/tottenham-hotspur-jokes Most of them are recycled but some are actually quite funny.

To balance things up a bit I offer two Arses jokes:

Why do people take an instant dislike to Arsenal ? It saves time.

You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake, and an Arsenal Fan. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?Shoot the Arsenal Fan. Twice.

what just happened?

Gotta get home to watch the Chelski/ Everton game but couldn't resist sticking this up. Yeah I know we've had false dawns before and this is only 1 victory after years of draws and worse but, man, what a victory it was! I cried when the 5th one went in. The residue of years of hurt won't be washed away with one win for sure; I do feel at least partially cleansed though. All the petty talk of 'kids' and reserves makes me laugh- who are Adebayour, Hleb, fabregas, Eduardo, Gallas, Toure, Gilberto? What about Huddlestone, Lennon, Boatang, Cerny for Spurs? The myth Wenger tried to create was picked up by the media and its perpetuation helped put the team into a no lose situation. Until last night of course. They lost big time and they knew it- the dejection on their faces showed it mattered. The fight between Adebayour and Bendtner showed it. The score line showed it. Of course Wenger couldn't even bring himself to say the better team one. For God's sake, even Merson made no excuses and praised the Spurs fans.



The most important thing for me though is not reaching the final or the well deserved thumping that the arrogant boys from Woolwich got. No, it's the breaking of a hoodoo- Psychology is so important in football and if we can now put this one to bed, it could make the difference needed. It's amazing how many Spurs fans I spoke to last night and this morning were sure the Arses would get back into it even at 4-0. Any other team you'd have been certain of victory once the third one went in. After last night I am certain of this:

• Bill Shankley was right




• Wenger is the world's sorest loser




• Berba can be a baby but he's got nothing on Adebayour who is still in the 'terrible twos' phase by the looks of things




• Their fans are shocking- leaving after 70 mins is no way to support your club- when they stuffed Newcastle the Geordies stayed singing to the end.




• I must get me and boy and my girl cup final tickets




• I will chuckle every time I see some glory hunting Bradfordian or Halifaxian walking round in his A****al shirt- those ones are even worse than the ones that actually live in South London (cos that's where they're from of course)




• I'm getting carried away again.