Tuesday, 25 December 2007

The true meaning of Christmas

When I was a kid I never understood how Jesus managed to get so much done seeing as he was born at Christmas but then died at Easter (thinking about it, Easter is resurrection time isn't it?). As an adult, I still don't get how come Easter moves. Anyhow, Western decadence means that for most people Christmas is a time to shout at your family and fill your house with crap. This frenzied and illogical behaviour surely suggests that Armageddon is just around the corner. I think that Wizzard's wish of 'Christmas every day' would bring us that much closer to judgement day. I doubt very much you'd find kids willing to start singing and bands beginning to play 24/7, 365 days of the year. More likely would be economic collapse due to excessive borrowing and people never going to work. Turkey shortages would lead to riots outside Bernard Matthews battery farm in Norfolk and rapid deforestation due to demand for Christmas trees would increase levels of CO2 and accelerate global warming to the point where most of the UK would be under water within a couple of years as the ice caps melted. Roy Wood may have considered these possibilities but I have to acknowledge that they don't scan nearly so well and what the hell rhymes with 'excessive borrowing'? And another thing: Santa would need time off for stress due to a massive increase in workload. No doubt he'd have to get Parcelforce to take on some of his deliveries and, as a consequence, stockings would be found limp and empty each morning as countless thousands of posties' sat navs misdirected them from one chimney to the next. Or they just nicked the stuff or threw it away or whatever else it is they do.

Having said all that, I had Christmas dinner yesterday with all the trimmings (except Turkey or the pudding) with best mate and my girl. It was great. Also, I got a Powermonkey. How did I ever get along without one of those?

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