My head is the wrong shape

I learnt this in a 'microteach' session last night from one of the hairdressing students. He was doing his bit about how it is important to take head shape into account when helping punters decide on which style would suit them best. This is fair enough and it was a revealing and interesting session. However, he made it clear that anything but an oval face is undesirable. Apparently I have a round face and am a bit jowly which means that I should have big hair on top apparently. The other students took it quite well, especially those that were deemed to be blockheads because they have square or oblong.

I was OK till I got home and started to think about a weird eugenic experiment our science teacher did once where we all had to line up according to head size. I was right at the big end of the line. Of course teasing ensued and I can't say what aspect of the curriculum we were addressing either.It was worse for Andrew 'pinhead' Jones* mind you. This memory and the whole head shape thing has got me paranoid. Already I stand behind people I am being photographed with, especially if they seem a bit on the small headed side. I'm now going to have to take shape into consideration. Big hair on top is just not an option.

It's hard to believe I had a fight with a kid when I was about 8 because his head was too big. I guess I am being punished according to my crime.

When my son was first born we took him to an elderly relative's house. Everyone else had been doing the cooing and aaahing that you expect but this woman came up and said: 'eeh, ain't he got a nice shaped head though.' Needless to say the 'though' disturbed me for weeks. After that she didn't say anything about the boy but she did go into the kitchen and re-appear moments later with a dustbin bag full of packets of stale crisps from her nephew's shop from which we were allowed to choose our own packet. I had salt and vinegar.

* name changed because a) I am more sensitive than my colleague and b) I can't remember the pea head's name.