Saturday, 14 July 2007


The last thing I want to do is mock anyone because of any kind of physical problem. However, my girl caught this guy trying to conceal himself behind that tree. Unfortunately for him East London has few giant redwoods.

I'm flying to Poland on Monday so this sprightly fellow reminded me of the last time I flew. Ryan Air are not known for their spacious seats so I was more than a little upset when, on an early morning flight from Riga, I was forced to share a two seat space with a bloke of similar stature. When I strapped myself in I got my hand stuck between the arm of the seat and his right buttock. I was sweating and in not inconsiderable pain by the time I'd managed to extricate it. He was oblivious because he'd already started on his packed lunch. On the up side, I had the aisle seat so I was able to make up for some of the lost arm and leg room. In fact, as a very nervous flyer I figured that if the plane were to start plummeting to Earth in a ball of fire and twisted metal I may have had a slightly better chance of survival as he'd cushion some of the impact. The stewardess helpfully explained that the seats we were in (A1 and A2) are known in the trade as 'the death seats'. I'm not sure how true this was but apparently, when a plane goes down the door is often blown out and the people in those seats have no chance. At the time I wished I hadn't bothered listening to the safety announcement.

My other fear was using lifts. I'm not so worried now but for a long time I'd use the stairs wherever possible; even when I lived for a couple of weeks on the 24th floor. When I worked at Harrods I was in a lift in the warehouse in Trevor Square when the there was this almighty clang and the lift lilted to one side as we loaded some heavy stuff into it. "What the hell was that?" I asked the old boy who operated the motorised cart thing (called a 'blade'- the guys were known as 'blade runners') "The cable snapped." he said, calm as anything. Luckily, we were in the sub basement but after that I wouldn't use them at all.

I was also stuck in a lift in Spain when I was a kid. I was there for about an hour. the doors opened but the lift was too far up. A Spanish lady gave me a cake and some water through the gap.

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