Hmmmmm....the more I think about it, the more I can't even see us scoring a goal. Ho hum. It's all got to be psychological. Positive thinking is what's necessary - we need 30,000 people thinking 'We can do it, we can do it. ' while the red corner's 30,000 start to think 'hang on a minute, we might get beat' and these vibes will transmit to the players and we'll get a lucky goal in off Ronaldo's arse and.... heck, who am I kidding? I bet they've engraved the bloody cup already.

more in hope than expectation

We play Shaktar Doenetsk (not sure of spelling) tonight. Ominously, they were the last team to beat Barcelona about 20 games ago. We are without 9 first teamers. Ulp. On March 1st we play Man Yoo in the Carling Cup final. Our tickets are a few rows forward this year. If we keep getting to the final and our tickets move forward at the same rate, I should actually be able to see the game by 2013. I'll be interested to see the odds before the game. United are pretty unbeatable (by us at least) even when they are playing shite. At the moment they are playing like the whole team has been kitted out with sets of Tiger & Scorer patented 'Billy's Boots'. They may call them Nikes or whatever but there must be some subterfuge going on there.

It's been a while since my eyes glistened with pride in the team's passion and performance. I'll be blubbing like a baby if we do the impossible at Wembley. Just to put me in the mood I thought it was time to revisit a real magic time.

beds, shelves and memory foam

We were in the bed shop the other day. The tall salesman was the definition of oleaginousness. This is just as well as I'd have had no idea what it meant otherwise. He sold me seventeen beds even though I only went in for a pillow. As we mooched around trying to decide whether the £99 buy one get one free bed or the £2,500 bed with a built in, slide up TV would look best in the bedroom, we overheard him turn it on for a little old lady he'd sat down at a table near the door. "You'll be needing some new bedding with that nice new bed," he said as the manager grinned with relief from a few yards away; the credit crunch monster beaten off for another day.
"Oh and you should get one of these mattress protectors."
"I may be old but I'm not incontinent yet dear," said the sprightly purse string holder. There was laughter but the manager wasn't grinning any more.

I'm having some doors fitted and a corner unit built. The chippie asked me what stain I'd like on it. I said I'd rather just put on my own stains in the fullness of time. He explained that he meant some kind of wood protection. I said anything that was anywhere between the dark wood and the very dark wood already in the living room. "I'm colour blind," he said, " but I can take a picture and show it to someone at the shop."
"OK." I said. He bought some wax stain stuff and put it on. It was yellow.

I went to another bed shop this morning. I spent ages choosing a bed. In the end I went for a mid range number that looked like it'd be easy enough to assemble. The bloke started filling in the paperwork in between dipping his hands in a small pot of glee. "It'll be about 8 weeks for that one." I heard the glee pot drop to the floor and shatter as I walked out the door. I went on to another shop. They had the same bed and a memory foam mattress for half the price of the first shop. God was smiling on me for sure. This was confirmed after I had assembled it and tried the memory foam mattress. I am typing this from a horizontal position. My only concern is how I will get the mattress in my car tomorrow. There's no way I can go a whole day at work without it.

Light Graffiti

This is cool. Not photoshopped or manipulated in any way. Apparently the photographer uses long exposure and torches.You can see more on this page of Guardian website. Genius idea, brilliant execution. I wish to copy it. In a half arsed way of course.

Don't be a plastic fan

Despite the self destruct button being stuck firmly in the 'on' position and despite our relative lack of success in the last 20 odd years compared to Woolwich Wanderers, Spurs still manage to come third, above the Woolwich, in a poll on best supported clubs. A 30,000 waiting list for season tickets on top of the 22,000 that already exist is a further testament to this support. It's re-assuring in a way. "Plastic" Liverpool fans were everywhere when I was a kid and used to really get up my nose. The same thing happened with Man Yoo; most of their fans have less distance to travel when they play us at White Hart lane than when we play them at Old Trafford. The lack of noise at the New Library suggests that a lot of those plastic seats have plastic arses sitting on them. However, Chelsea still have a teeny fan base by comparison. Most people searching for a glory club realising that Abramovich and his cash won't be there for ever(sorry grandad!). I'm looking forward to the day that they re-join us in mid table mediocrity so that future brother in law has to change his club again

Percentage support by club
1. Liverpool – 14.3

2. Manchester United – 11.8

3. Tottenham Hotspur – 9.7

4. Arsenal – 9.6

5. Newcastle United – 5.8

6. Manchester City – 5.3

7. West Ham United – 4.9

8. Aston Villa – 4.4

9. Chelsea FC – 3.6

10. Everton FC – 3.1

This was taken from this article

Another interesting thing in it is that 6% say they support a club because they were attracted to one of the players. I'm guessing that's mostly women but who knows? They do say that Arsenal have the biggest gay following in the country. Maybe it's more to do with the gorgeous Theo than the name of the club or the manager.

I know someone who took a shine to Dimitar Buggerov. Her eyes would go all misty when he came down our end of the pitch. Did she switch her allegiance when he switched to man Yoo? No, of course not. She switched her allegiance to Frazier Campbell. Not a glory hunter, just a cradle snatcher.

Bentley from 40

Judging by this it seems the answer to David Bentley's feeble shot to goal ratio is to put a skip in the goal. Presumably at the Library he saw one in the stand and went for it. Why oh why can't harry do this one simple thing? At last count he had the highest number of unsuccessful shots in the Premier League at 56. At least he has scored once though and in some style. Stuart Downing showed in his woeful performance against Spain last night why he's had 44 shots and not found the net; he's rubbish. Thank God we didn't buy him.

Pav songs

Confidence

Football is all about confidence they say. Mostly you win or lose not because of your talent but because of your confidence. If you lose your confidence it's hard to find it again because you spiral downwards. Man Yoo have been confident for years. Spurs are confident roughly every 5th game.

What's interesting is how being a football supporter can impact your confidence. The boy used to be quite shy. Of course there are still some things that make him wince and destroy his confidence: girls and his old man being loud in public tend to underscore the link between confidence and embarrassment. It's at the football that I have seen his confidence blossom though. Without it, I think he'd still have some way to go. He has the confidence to shout his opinions; confidence to go buy a drink in a sea of people; confidence to chat to some random bloke about the game. On Sunday at half time we were chatting when I spotted Jamie O'Hara in civvies walking up the terrace. I pointed him out and the boy jumped down, offered his hand and said, " Hello Jamie.".As he shook hands with the boy O'Hara looked at him with a puzzled expression and said: " Sorry, I don't remember you."

My girl used to chant under breath. But on Sunday, about 20 rows of Spurs fans in the Paxton heard her plaintive plea in response to yet another ill placed pass, " Don't give it to Jenas; he's playing for them!' The passion of football withers inhibition better that drugs or alcohol.

The game? exciting and frustrating but, in the end, not so disappointing. Unlike Monsieur Wanger I did see the negative things my side did. We bossed possession but didn't convert the chances. I confidently predict a gruelling relegation battle that'll go right up to the last day of the season.

Perspective

There's nothing worse than....

How many times have I said that? It's such an empty phrase. I've been to Auschwitz. I read the news. There's obviously a lot of things worse than finding a toenail in my lunch or getting to work and wondering if I've locked the door. I know this but I persist in saying it. I guess it's all to do with the way we put everything into its immediate context. What we really mean is that there's nothing more irritating that you can think of pertaining to whatever it is you're doing or thinking about at that very moment. Of course that wouldn't trip so merrily off the tongue. Funny that people don't tend to say that phrase when there really is nothing worse. 'Thank you for coming officer; you know there's nothing worse than finding out your entire family was bludgeoned to death by a mad axeman who then ate their organs and desecrated their bodies in unspeakable ways. And finding out in the middle of Eastenders!"

Sometimes things do take on a bit of perspective. Something on TV will touch me or, like the other day, I will meet people who are trying to make the best of a desperate situation. The humble gene kicks in for a while and I am able to be thankful and appreciative and positive. It also turns me into a royal pain in the arse. I don't actually say it but the phrase roughly the equivalent of 'eat your greens, there are children starving in Africa' weaves itself into the subtext of conversations with people close to me. Fortunately for them it wears off quite quickly. Or maybe not. Maybe the world would be a better place if we could have a broader perspective. Listen to me go on...there's nothing worse than that sort of woolly idealism.

Transfer weirdo

I can see two patterns developing:

1. Spurs are signing all their old players while Harry Redknapp gradually morphs into Martin Jol behind the scenes. Defoe, Chimbumba and Keano are all back. Robinson is waiting for a call (but keeps dropping the phone), Malbranque has already put on his bowler hat and checked the knife at the end of his umbrella and Jimmy Greaves is said to be in training.

2. Arsene Wenger of Arsenal has finally gone mad. His lack of signings has been a mystery up until now but North and South can exclusively reveal that his new policy is to only sign players with bum related names hence to swoop on Andrei ArseShaving. He's said to be upset that he missed out on Danny Shittu and Benoit Ass-ooh Akkotto.

Baby's Fanny

I love Chinese people. Well apart from ones engaged in human rights abuses that is. Some of these translations are excellent. I'm not mocking. I couldn't even begin to translate anything from English to Chinese. More avairable here.