CSI Las Wengas

[The scene: Inside a big plane. Grissom- pensive and whimsical head of the Las Vegas CSI night shift; Warwick-The tall cool gambling black guy; Sarah- the slightly goofy woman and Nick-the bloke that's there for his looks rather than his talents sit in pairs either side of the aisle. ]

Grissom: I sense the work of Moriarty
Warwick (inquisitive sideways look at Grissom): Say what?
Grissom: Forgive me. That regression therapy has me daydreaming. As we get nearer to London, Heathrow in England I feel an increasing force of history on my shoulders. Pass me that magnifying glass Watson.
Nick: Huh?

[Cut to plane landing and montage including big red bus, black London taxi, man in bowler hat making phone call in one of those quaint red booths and a guy in big black hairy helmet guarding the Queen of England. Cut to interior of high tech CIA style transit van with whizzy things in it. ]

Sarah: Are you going to brief us Gris?
Grissom: The case centres around a European aristocrat who has been robbed of what he considers to be his by right.
Sarah: who's the perp?
Grissom: There are only suspects; we haven't yet let the evidence speak. Warwick- you and Nick go talk to this guy and see what his angle is. Me an Sarah will collect the evidence from the scene.

[Cut to inside of some sports stadium. It looks similar to a baseball ground but the markings on the grass are unfamiliar. A heavy set Hispanic guy sits at a desk with the pitch behind him. At his elbow is another Latin type. His name badge says:' Gus'. ]

Grissom: For a man accused of larceny you seem pretty calm.
Gus: It's all a matter of perspective senor Grissom. My boss always say 'one man's terrorist is another man's postman.' Similarly- your thief may feel he is simply liberating something that belongs to him.

[Cut to close up of the Hispanic boss. His shifty look makes us guess that he's as guilty as hell. ]

Cut to pitchside.
Sarah: He's as guilty as hell.
Grissom: Not necessarily elementary my dear Sarah. Let's look at the evidence.

[Montage sequence of the two blowing dust and liquids over grass, boots, shirts and analysing the playback on the jumbotrons. ]

[Cut to a very plush, velvet lined room. Everything is red. In a throne style chair at the centre of the room is a thin man with a white cat on his lap. Either side of his chair are two blank staring children. They are scantily clad in white shorts and a grotesque red shirt.]

Nick: Explain to me again how you were robbed.
Wenger: I never lose. Since ze dawn of time zis organisation has made sure it has success. The trophy zat was stolen from us on Tuesday was done so in ze most brutal style. This does not happen. When my fazer was in his ascendancy in Germany he took ze colours of zis club and made it ze flag of his nation. But the fools could not see his greatness. I was forced to change my name and identity. I took ze reigns of the organisation dedicated to ze destruction of these filth! It was to be my finest hour! Their humiliation was to be at the hands of my boys here.

[Warwick's cell phone rings. He answers. ]
Warwick: Grissom?....Uh Huh (he nods sagely, puts his phone away carefully then suddenly whips out his gun) Don't move Mr Wenger.
Wenger: Eh what, you cannot do this. (He leaps out in a rage and we see, in slow motion two bullets from Warwick's gun tear through his chest. He falls to the floor and as he does the whole building begins to quake.)

Nick: Run, it's gonna blow.

[Cut to outside view of big red stadium crumbling to the ground with little explosions going off all a round and escape pods flying off with little swastikas on the side.]

[Back on the plane]

Grissom: So you see, this was more than theft. It was about the resurgence of a vile regime. All we did was prove with the evidence the rightful owner of those trophies and that prestige. Further enquiries revealed the true nature of their corruption dating back to the early in the 20th century. It's a wonder those brave boys didn't go under. They're the real heroes. Pass me my pipe will you Sarah.

Nick: Huh?

[Cut to close up of Warwick's face. He smiles. Pan to Grissom. He's puffing on a pipe and wearing a deer stalker.]

[Pan out- they all start laughing.]

Closing credits.